Should I stay? Or should I go now?

Hello all, I am in desperate need of some councilling and would greatly appreciate some input from anyone.

The problem that I'm having Is I don't know what to do with my relationship of 6 years to my girlfriend. For a while now I don't feel attracted to her nor see her as a lover but more so as a friend although she is still in love with me. I do care about her and I'm really close to her family and they like me but lately I find it hard to tell my girlfriend that I love her or be sexually active and find my self thinking what it would be like in another relationship. But the hard part is that I care about her and her family and I'm not sure what to do and its killing me being in this situation and not having had the guts to tell her how I feel mainly because I know it would destroy her. Is there any one here experiencing or had experienced this situation and could offer some help please.

Thanks in advance rev.

Ive felt this to a certain degree.

I've heard that if you want to infuse some more chemical sparks in your old relationship, you can try doing something exciting together, like going adventure travelling, riding a roller coaster, etc. You need some chemicals like pheromones to rush through your bodies again.

What you're going through is a natural thing and I've also heard if you don't have kids the chemistry changes so you don't like the smell of your partner anymore (no kids?). It's nature's way of telling people to move on and screw someone else so the species continues to multiply (or so I was led to believe). The chemical infusion method of going and doing something exciting together is a way of tricking our systems to produce pheromones again.

Are you both exercising regularly? That can rev up our body chemistry also.

It seems an awful shame to drop a relationship just because it feels a little stale. This can merely be a phase, too. Another way to deal with this is to spend some time apart. It's a good idea, I think, for any couple, to go on separate holidays. Then, when you come together again, you see each other with fresh eyes, see all the good again, the glass will be more than half full and you can rekindle some of your feelings for each other. Believe me, it's really hard to be single and you might be surprised at how much you'd miss her. However, sometimes people just feel like a relationship has run it's course and they are both ready to move on. Any idea of how she feels lately?

Are there any other reasons you don't feel as close to your partner? Is she starting to follow new interests? Are you? What's happening?

Thanks for the reply jerril, I understand what your saying and could see the possibility of "sprucing" up the relationship but to kind of divulge more into our relationship a little more, like I said we've been together for 6 years 3 of those years have been long distance (we see eachother about once a month currently) so that adds a bit of extra pressure. But lately I've been feeling that were not right for each other in the fact being that our interests seem to have changed and I feel slightly less attracted to her and I'd like to discuss this with her but she's in love with me and I just don't have the courage to hurt her and my relationship with her parents so it basically places me between a rock and a hard place, any recommendations ?

Hate to be the thorn but it doesn't sound like it was genuine love in the first place.
I'm not saying this definitively, because only you know the answer if you're 100% honest with yourself. However, many people go into relationships for many different reasons, security, comfort, dependency, sex, asset management etc. Most think they're in there for love, but that's because this is what most people want - love. Those that do go into it for love are in the minority, not the majority. You only have to look at the divorce rate. I know here, the divorce rate is at 50%, and 60% of the remaining 50% who are still together...CHEAT! So, when you look at these stats, you can see the cracks surfacing. I'd like to think that more people than my estimate genuinely do go into relationships for love, but love starts with the self and I'm not convinced that most people actually love who they are.

I think this idea that love fades is crap. It only fades because either one, or both haven't put the correct effort that it takes, why? Often because of insecurities and fear. Subconscious demons infiltrate the playing ground. Mental demons kill, and most aren't aware of it.

I was out for dinner last night with a couple of friends. One of my friends has been married to her husband for almost 30 years. He was her soul mate, love at first sight back when she was 21. She is now 49, like me and was saying last night that she loves her husband as much if not more than when she first met him. Sure, she's had ups and downs, and of course - they fight, but at the end of the day, she can still say firmly that she loves him. There is no one else that could ever take his place.

I have another girlfriend whose husband died almost 2 years ago from cancer. She is another one who married her soul mate. She is now on anti depressants, and drinks every day. She has said that she WILL NOT re-partner because no one can fill his shoes. It was love at first sight for her too.

Me? I've been totally in love with someone for the last 21 years, but he can't come near me, although would like to, but this is a different story, and a complicated one. I've had a few relationships over the years, and I've done nothing other than compare each one to the one that I really want. He was love at first sight too. Unless he turns out to be a raving gambler, cheater or woman beater...I know that he would be the absolute centre of my universe. I just keep falling for him over, and over, and over, and over...even when he goes off at me, and he has many times. I get angry, in fact full of RAGE...but it never removes my feelings of love for him.

I have to say, that from stories I've heard and seen...the only people that actually grow together and whose love grows and matures like wine are those who have experienced love at first sight. If it's not instant, it's not there. I know some will disagree, but the evidence speaks volumes.

I have another friend who was with her partner for 23 years, again...love at first sight, but he left her 23 years later: their business went bankrupt, and he has trouble with intimacy, thus suffering fear. AND because he didn't have enough self love...he allowed his fear to get the better of him. He came back to her, and whilst her anger at him having left clearly won't go until they communicate this...they will not get back together the way it was before. She WILL NOT forgive him for having left her. YET, she can't go more than 2 days without speaking with him. They still go out for dinner etc, but her anger is in the way. My point...here are two people who do love each other but not honestly communicating. She said she always loved him and it just grew and grew.

Maybe you need to ask yourself a couple of simple questions like...

Was she love at first sight?
Was she ever the centre of your universe?
Was she someone you couldn't wait to come home to?

Another good quote I heard, but can't remember who said was...

"You should't find someone with whom you can live, rather - you need to find someone that you can't live without."

Beautiful quote and so true.

Forgot to mention my first marriage. I married when I was 21, had met him when I was 17. By the time I was 19, I was thinking exactly the same way you were. I went ahead and married...the WRONG GUY. The marriage did nothing but go downhill, it faded, because I didn't love him. Same story as you. Sure, I cared about his feelings too, but it's not enough to sustain longevity. Listen to your gut instinct...it's NEVER WRONG. Being honest with yourself will only lead to happiness. Being dishonest with yourself will lead you to pain. FACT.

And you know what else? When love doesn't hit you, you have no idea what to look for, so you make things fit. S/he is a nice person, would never hurt anyone, they're good to me, blah blah. I think too many people don't know what love is, but should you actually find it? YOU'LL KNOW. No question about it. All these doubts like I'm a bit bored with her, or I'm not that attracted to her anymore etc...will all go out the window if she was the REAL DEAL. I had no idea what love was when I got married, and then one day...I found out.

Good luck.