Yes, I have to agree Katana...why someone pours vinegar in the first place IS the $64 million dollar question. Unfortunately the answer is $128 mill; more than the person can afford. As Dr. Sandra Parker says in her video on 'Love or Fear'...people pay an incredibly HIGH price for their fear. They could be millionaires over emotionally, but choose to work in the 'hell mines' instead, thus robbing themselves of emotional wealth.
I have to say that I'm now more and more convinced that some people are born with strength and others not. In other words, I think it's more of a nature debate, rather than nurture. I have 2 boys, raised by me in the same household. My eldest has my strength...stops at nothing to get what he wants (in a good way of course). What ever he wants he gets, and works hard to get it. My youngest however, isn't quite the go getter that my eldest is. Having said that, he has amazing emotional intelligence that far outweighs most of his friends, apart from one who has just finished his psych degree and now studying medicine to become a psychiatrist. They in fact, are the best of mates.
In terms of cognitive distortion...I'll have to ask one of my lecturers when I go back to uni in Feb. All the psych lecturers are psychologists and work with disorders. Whilst I understand that 'distortions' exist...it falls short when people who allegedly misbehave only do so under certain conditions. In other words, they know enough to recite what's right and wrong, and put it on accordingly so as to stay hidden, which to me indicates that they in fact, DO NOT have any form of distortion by virtue of the fact that they can 'turn it on and off' when they choose. I worked with one girl a few years ago whose mother had borderline disorder. She was an executive in government, and she in fact did loose her job because of her condition. This was clearly a true form of distortion, because she couldn't control the timing or degree of her condition.
As for my episode of 'treat em mean..." It happened in 1992 (or thereabouts) when someone I wanted a heap kept leading me on, and on, and on, AND ON... A year and a half into it, I decided that he wasn't going to make a move despite he kept showing me he was interested, so I decided to pull the old 'make him jealous' stint. I worked with someone who was constantly chasing me at that time, and I kept pushing him away constantly but one day I thought to myself...hey, why not. This guy wants me and X is too slow. So, I told the guy who made a move that sure, I'll go out with him but only until X makes a move. At that time, I was naive enough to think that X eventually would have done something, but NO...he never did. So, I told X that I'd met someone else who was good looking and who wanted me. This back fired terribly! He made me pay for it BIG TIME! He made me pay for it for years! I spent a long time regretting what I had done, but after going back to see him years later, I realised that I had wasted time regretting it. He wouldn't've done anything had I NOT shoved the new guy in his face. He has some sort of mental block, and really only sees me as a challenge, an ideal, a fantasy of sort. He doesn't demonstrate any drive at all when it comes to me. In my experience, men who are truly interested in the real sense, WILL move...o.k, some may be slower than others, maybe a few months or so, but NOT years!
I spent years agonising over what I did, when really - I didn't need to do that. The only mistake I made was telling him about the new guy. I should've just carried on as I did without rubbing his face in it. That wasn't nice of me do that, but at the time I was SO ANGRY...full of RAGE no end because he just kept leading me on that I'd lost perspective on the consequences of what I was doing. Besides, the strategy works in movies, so I thought...hell, it should work in reality.
No, it did not.
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