I need some help/advice :/

I have been dating a guy that has avoidant dependant personality disorder with negativity and major depression. We were together for four months. He is 36 and has never been in a stable relationship, he has tried to kill himself once and in the past he had a gambling addiction. He has changed jobs frequently. But besides all of those things that seem scary, he is a fun person to be around, he is creative and I enjoy his company, he is never down when we are together, however he does talk about himself alot (but I actually find his stories interesting). He invites me over all the time, wants to watch films, has bought me flowers and said the most beautfiul things to me. We have great chemistry and conversations.

However, one week he texts me and says it's over and dumps me and then the next week he says he wants me back and that he misses me. He has done that three times now and stupidly I take him back each time. He has now said it's over and "it was always going to end" and has stopped communication with me. I feel so awful for him that he doesn't have any friends and now doesn't want a relationship either. I don't know whether his behaviour is because of his issues or because he just doesn't like me , or was just using me to feel good and wants to move on. I haven't contacted him since, but I miss him terribly. I know our relationship has only been a short time, but I am willing to be understanding and help him sort his problems out and support him. I have a lot in common with him (not the mental issues), and am really attracted to all of him. We have had an intense, passionate, emotional relationship and I want to show him what normalcy is. Do you think it's possible to have a relationship with this person or should I let it go and move on? I care for him deeply and want the best for him. He is very insecure and needs people to tell him that he is wonderful, which I know sounds very unmanly, but I don't mind helping his ego. Yet he is willing to drop me so quickly and detach himself from me. He says he met another girl a week after me and that they are just friends, but he is attracted to her and now he has cut off communication with me. Part of me feels manipulated and another part of me thinks, how sad he is trying anything to avoid a relationship. He is getting counselling and wants to try anything to be normal. I think I know in my heart and my rational mind that he will always be trouble and complicated and have drama in his life, but at least things will never be dull. I can't get him out of my mind and all the beautiful things he said to me. I miss him. What should I do? I have never felt so at ease and comfortable with anyone like him. Kelly

This coming from a girl here - one who watched two of her friend's relationships crumble because of this issue.

She told you she feels trapped, right? If you keep pushing her, she'll run away.
You're both young, and you should both try and find social lives away from each other. Even a couple in a long-term relationship, deeply in love with each other need their space and time away from each other.

One boy I knew had an exceptionally possessive girlfriend. She got jealous whenever I mentioned anything about him to her (he was my best friend, so we spent a lot of time together, though he didn't just spend time with me). She always tried to be around him and was constantly sappy and telling him how she loved him, and how they'd be married, nagging him about not spending time together and so on.

He hated it, and they broke up.

Another of my friends clung to his girlfriend far too much. He ignored all of her friends and family, and eventually got grounded. After a while apart, his girlfriend realised how happy she was now that she had more freedom (as in, not having to spend every waking moment with her boyfriend to avoid upsetting him) and they broke up. Now she's with an old friend of hers who is pretty much her exact opposite, but they balance each other, and they're happy.

One woman I know had a similar experience. Her husband became depressed and told her he wanted a divorce. She told him "no" and said that he just needed time to himself. So they did just that, left each other alone for a while. Four months later, her husband turned around and said "I love you"

They've had no problems since.

The moral? Don't suffocate your ex. Don't frequent her internet sites, don't try to contact her constantly.
Just leave her be.

Yes, but it's abit late for that now. And shes the one comming to me wanting to 'be friends'. Apparently she wants what we used to have (more info above post). I don't get her feelings, and how she feels. To me it seems like she's contradicting herself in a way, if you get what I mean, with the missing how we used to be, but doesn't love me anymore?

She sounds like a confused young woman.

Keep your feet on the ground, brother. You've done well so far. You appear to have a fair amount of self-awareness, enough to ask people here for insight.

I don't know what else to say at this point... it is frustrating when you meet someone who you have really strong feelings for and you "hit it off" with them, find tons to talk about and similar interests. It can be such magic and when it falls apart, it can be so full of grief.

The other day, I thought about my ex. Sometimes I miss her really badly. But, then again, sometimes I think of the ways she treated me and I realize she's not in fact the "one." It's sad though. I would like to be her friend but I just can't, it's too hard to crave to be in her arms again and to play it cool with a friendship. It's just easier to not be with her, unfortunately.

Sigh...

Jerril wrote:She sounds like a confused young woman.

Keep your feet on the ground, brother. You've done well so far. You appear to have a fair amount of self-awareness, enough to ask people here for insight.

I don't know what else to say at this point... it is frustrating when you meet someone who you have really strong feelings for and you "hit it off" with them, find tons to talk about and similar interests. It can be such magic and when it falls apart, it can be so full of grief.

The other day, I thought about my ex. Sometimes I miss her really badly. But, then again, sometimes I think of the ways she treated me and I realize she's not in fact the "one." It's sad though. I would like to be her friend but I just can't, it's too hard to crave to be in her arms again and to play it cool with a friendship. It's just easier to not be with her, unfortunately.

Sigh...

It's such a dreadful thing to have to go through x.x

Maybe I need to have some more time to think about what I'm going to do. I think about 'this', and I think about 'that'. I want to do 'this', but also want to see what happens if I were to do 'that'. Arghh

Hello sregi, I only read the first two pages of this post and I jumped to reply so I may not know how things are going so far. Anyways, I wanted to share something with you. By everything you said in your first posts I am assuming you are around 17.

Ok, I am 18 now but last year, when I was 17 I met this girl and she is really pretty and interesting. Anyways I could say I felt just the way you were feeling when she told me she needed a break from our relationship, just like your girl did. She even said that she was dealing with too much and she preferred to be alone for the time being because she had other things to deal with etc... so we stayed as best friends.

When this happened, all the things that you have explained went through my head as well, I did not want to lose her. I kept talking to her on the phone and texting and computer and everywhere just as you used to but after a while I decided to show myself a little respect and only talked to her if she talked to me and I even ignored her for very long periods of time but she always kept taking to me. So, to make a short story short, she still has tons of troubles and other things to take care of and we actually got back together once but that time it was me who could not stand her instability.

My advice; you are better off without her but you should keep in touch just in case. Putting her last in the list of your priorities could be the best thing to do.