Telling a loved one I might need therapy

I've been with my boyfriend for the past two and a half years, and had moved in with him six months ago. We're happy together, content, and are planning on getting married sometime next spring or summer.

But. There's been many things that have been troubling me for the past few years that I've been putting off on getting handled, and I think it's about time that I finally get some help for them. To give an example, I was laid off from my previous job last December, and due to a not very impressive work history (only worked at two places - one for many years that I had to quit when the place went out of business, the second my last job where I worked for only a year and a half) it took me until two weeks ago for me to get a new job. After the first day, I was having panic attacks just thinking about going back there again, and I quit after the second day. It was a good job though! It was at a craft store, I had insurance for the first time in my life, and was well-paying, but dealing with the public was so awful and the prospect of messing up was so awful I had to quit.

Disorders run in my family - with just my parents and brothers, there's depression, anxiety, paranoid-schizophrenia, bipolar, autistim, and various substance abuse issues, this he knows about, and while I'm a bit too old to be diagnosed with schizophrenia or autism, the others were possible to show up in me. I'm afraid that I might have some sort of anxiety disorder, but there's other things in my life that I need to talk with someone about, but am afraid to talk to HIM about - I don't want to disappoint him with what's going on in my head.

So here's the thing - how do I tell him that I want to see a therapist, especially since HE's the one that's going to have to pay for it? I don't think he'll begrudge the money - he spoils me horribly, and has made it clear that until I find my feet again and get a job I shouldn't be afraid to ask him for anything. Plus, I did some research and found a place nearby that offers counseling at a very reasonable price.

I guess I'm just afraid of letting him down. He didn't get into a relationship with me knowing I've got these issues, and I feel like I'm keeping something important from him. But as time goes on, I'm starting to feel more and more useless and a burden on everyone, and I feel that without some sort of therapy I'm just going to get worse.

What can I do?

Hey Eleke,

Of course, it feels strange to keep things from your partner, which is why I always say that 100% honesty is important/necessary in all relationships. In your case, I understand why it is difficult to tell him though. The way to approach this is to arrange to have a 'sit down' (or meeting) with him some night during the week. Just say that you want to talk about something important. When you both actually sit down to talk, let him know that you have not been feeling happy lately and that you need external help (i.e. to see a doctor), but that you need his help too (i.e. money). You should even imagine in your own head beforehand how the conversation could go. It sounds like he is a caring person, so i'm sure that he will be willing to help you.

By the way, it would be better to see a doctor first, and not to approach a therapist. the doctor could give you a referral to a therapist/psychiatrist who deals with the problems you are facing. there are many different areas of psychiatry, after all, and each psychiatrist deals with different ones.

Take care,
Kevin