Frustrated & Depressed

I am in a relationship with the same girl for the last four years. We have had a lot of ups and downs but in the end we always find some solution to our problems. She is a classmate and thats how met. We spend a lot of time together everyday. She has an ex-boyfriend who was also her childhood friend. He used to travel 500 miles every 2 months or so to see her even after she broke up with him and started dating me. She is still really close friends with him. I never liked this but always some how tried to stay cool.

Some time back she met him and told him clearly that he should not expect anything and that she would never be back with him.

This summer has been really stressful for me, we have never stayed apart for so long, she and I were interning in different cities. She started ignoring me a lot, she never calls me up herself and always has some reason ready as to why she couldn't call. This one day she did not pick a ringing phone for 3 hours and the reason she gave me was "I was in a rush" and that is why she could not answer the phone, she was in bar that time, alone watching football and having a beer, and i am pretty sure that she was alone. She was well aware that the phone was ringing. I could have passed it off one time but it repeated many more times, this another time she partied with people she had not known for too long till the morning, got drunk real bad and though I was repeatedly calling her over the phone and asking her to go back, she said that she does not have a car and she can go back only when her friend does. She had a lot of fun and couldn't stop bragging about it.

I was mad... like really really mad... I have a real bad anger problem, I start breathing real fast, have chest palpitations and feel suffocated. I told her what I was going through and told her that she should respect me and pay heed to what I think. All that she could say was that I am jealous of the fact that she is having fun whereas I am all alone. She never said a word to console me, whereas my chest pain was so bad that I was taken to a hospital.

What is really bothering me is the fact that herself never calls me, and when I say never, I literally mean NEVER. I was travelling the other day and I just wanted to see if she would like to know where am I or wassup with me. She never called and finally when I did call she said she forgot, was busy, although I saw she had time to go on facebook and do some silly stuff. We had a big fight and in the end I had to accept that she not calling me is the right thing coz she cud not accept that not calling me is the wrong thing.

I made a funny video and sent it to her about one and a half months back, some friend also posted childhood pics of me on facebook. She is pretty active on facebook. She never saw the mail, when I asked her she said 'what mail' although when I had sent her and called her that time she said the attachment is too large and I cannot download. She had no idea whatsoever that some of my really nice pics that even I had never seen were posted though she has all the time in this world to her online friends, her other friends and check them out online, but she never even bothered to check me online when we have been away all summer.

Again when this came, I was upset that why she doesn't care about me at all... She just got irritated and said ' Don't irritate me' . I asked her an objective question, "tell me, do you think not calling me up ever or not even bothering to check me online is the right thing to do" she said YES.

At this point I was highly depressed, frustrated with everything, but she still had the audacity to give me such attitude and not bothering one bit to make it up to me. To top that she tells me "I cannot help it if I am a strong person or that I have friends unlike you".

I some times wonder how can one person be so mean and rude to any person.

I some how put up with this too. Today I just came across this psychology book, which had like some symptoms of stress and I had most of them, I was just telling her jokingly 'Baby, see I am under stress and you know what the reason is'. Well obviously the only reason for my stress was her. She got furious, she said that I myself am the reason for my stress and I should stop blaming other people all the time. Moreover, she has been telling me she is sick of me'whining' all the time.

I don't know what to do. I am constantly under a lot of stress, I cannot concentrate on anything, I don't feel like doing anything, I feel like calling her up all the time even more and yes I do like to bring up things that are bothering me coz she is the only person I can talk to this about. But all that happens is whenever I try to discuss things with her, she thinks I am blaming her, we end up fighting and most importantly she never never accepts anything.

The baseline is, she has a super high ego which she never compromises for anyone, she never looses any argument and I get too sick arguing, she thinks she is always right. She like evil monica from "Friends".

I don't want to break up with her coz she is like my college sweet heart and we have had some really good times together. Perhaps its due being staying apart the whole summer but whatever it is, it is taking its toll on me

I was mad... like really really mad... I have a real bad anger problem, I start breathing real fast, have chest palpitations and feel suffocated. I told her what I was going through and told her that she should respect me and pay heed to what I think. All that she could say was that I am jealous of the fact that she is having fun whereas I am all alone. She never said a word to console me, whereas my chest pain was so bad that I was taken to a hospital.

That sound's like a panic attack to me, why don't you just take a break from this devilish individual just stop calling have some fun then when this person comes back see if it's really worth sticking with such a person. That's my opinion.

Thanks for the reply Jason. Well I have tried to stay away, not talk etc. What I am confused about is if I should break up or not.

I am not talking to her, she called up apologized a lot but I told her flat that I need some time to think over.

You are welcome & good for you! . That's all up to you if you want to break-up or not, dont let your self be used thats all I have to say.

As hard as it may be, give her space. I am in your shoes about 79% of the time.
Your girl sounds just like my guy.
I love him to death, but his aloofness and indifference to the relationship and my feelings drives me insane.
Give her time, let her call..She will miss you
and if she doesn't, then you know how important you are to her..
for now, focus on yourself.
Sounds hard, but she is doing just fine without you, so relax.
Best of luck.