How to fix this?! :/

Sorry this is so long but PLEASE read it. I really need some advice!

Okay, I have OCD (diagnosed 2 yrs ago with it) and BPD (have alot of the symptoms of it, but not diagnosed).
Basically, to my friends that I'm not seeing every day, i'm the normal me, and I get along with pretty much everyone. I can control my OCD and my moods and I seem like any normal person.

Problem is, with my family i'm very selfish, constantly moody and impulsive. I change my mind about things constantly. I can be very jealous at times too.Most of my relationships I end up ruining. Especially with the guys I truly care about. This is because I either get jealous and then obsess about the person, and I get clingy, or I'm just a complete bitch to them and they get sick of having to put up with it.

My most recent relationship was with a guy i'd been friends with for nearly a year before we started going out, and we were really good friends beforehand.
2 weeks into our relationship, I started starting fights. I was worried that he didn't really care about me and love me like he said, and he'd constantly tell me that he did until I believed it.
We moved in together not long after ( impulsive behaviour, i know. But he seems to have impulsivity too, cuz he thought of the idea at first. ) and it got even worse. We were on off having fights for ages, all because i'd start them, I'd get angry over the smallest things he'd do, and sometimes he wouldn't even do anything wrong.

He moved out 4 weeks ago to live with a friends family ( mum couldn't afford another person to live with us ) and we'd just started fixing things up and stopped fighting for a few weeks, and then he didn't give me enough attention or spend enough time with me, so I got angry.

I backstabbed him in a way, he'd been lying to the family he was staying with about places he was going, and I told the family, and he got asked to leave. He'd also been stealing from other people, which was also why he was asked to leave. Eventually it all came out and the family told him that i'd said these things to them and he got REALLY mad. I'm pretty sure he has anger management issues, but he basically said to me it was over and he was sick of everything, and that he’d trusted me and now he has no trust for me, and that he was EXTREMELY angry with me.
He even said he wanted to smash the plate he had ( he was eating at the time ) over my head, he was that angry. And if it weren’t for my friends mum being there, he probably would’ve hit me as well. He’s never hit me out of anger before, but he was surely angry enough to have done it then.
So I cried, and i’d realised how bad of a girlfriend i’d been to him. I said to him that I was sorry and for him to please forgive me, and he said he forgave me, but we’d stand on mutual grounds and that’s it. We’d see each other in public and say hello, but nothing more.
This realisation really hurt me. It’s been a week now since this has happened, and I feel so bad. We’d broken up a few days before he found out about everything, because of fighting again, and he’d said to me he wanted to try and fix things with me and make things better, but since then he’s made it pretty clear that it’s completely over.
Also, i’m 7 ½ months pregnant, the babies father is my ex ( not him, another guy ), and i’ve decided to adopt. This is another thing he got annoyed about, because he wanted to keep the child but a few weeks ago i told him I wanted to adopt for certain reasons.
He’s also mentioned to me in the past during fights that he really loves the girl that I used to be, and that he’s hoping that me being pregnant is the cause for all of my moods and bitchiness, and that after I have the kid that i’ll be the nice, happy girl I used to be.
Anyways, what should I do? I really want to fix things with him, but I don’t know what I should do, because I know clearly that it’s been me that’s ruined this whole relationship, but I don’t want to make things any worse. We haven’t spoken in a week now, I don’t know whether I should initiate contact or what I should say?

Any advice will help! Sorry for this being so long!

Hi, lydie! Well, first of all, if you have BPD (or some traits of BPD) and especially since you are going to have children, you have to get treatment for yourself first. You have to put the kids you'll be responsible for and your health (including mental health) before anything. People with BPD can lash out at family members and do things they would regret, if they're not getting help.
Maybe it still wouldn't work, if you tried to get this guy back right now, because you both have problems. You're not the one who ruined the relationship, it sounds like he's done stuff too. You can't blame yourself.