RUDE Lesbian Friend.

Hi Everyone, I have a lesbian friend who is impolite and rude to just about everyone,male or female, I have asked her about this and she says it's all about trying to be as masculine as she possibly can, that got me thinking ,...Does that mean that a man who is polite and well mannered will be percieved as being feminine by women in general. I sincerely hope not !. All replies on this subject are welcome. I forgot to mention she swears a lot too, and I am talking absolute gutter filth.

Personally, I prefer to consider myself free from gender (though I believe that some culturally masculine traits have filtered through my autistic naïveté), so there's where I'm coming from.

Gender is a purely cultural construct; though it is almost always tied to a biological sex (e.g. most women are female), the very minor cognitive differences between males and females are hugely exaggerated and added upon by the gender system. So, any particular man, woman, or other gender-group member will have her/his own unique conception of what is "masculine" or "femine," with these categories moderated by their cultural inheritance. I don't have the data immediately on-hand, but you can try looking up social psychology studies on the subject of attraction/interpersonal relations if you want an empirical description of what men and women consider masculine or feminine and what they consider positive or negative.

However, I can say that for romantic relationships, the preferences of men and women tend to be quite similar, both desiring dependability, honesty, etc. which, I presume, are indicated by polite, "well-mannered" behavior and therefore, on average, more attractive than impolite, aggressive behavior.

The real issue at hand, though, is your lesbian friend's distorted sense of gender. You say she acts aggressive because she's trying to be masculine. It would seem, therefore, that her own personal identity requires her, due to her biological predisposition to being attracted to females, to take on a more masculine gender role. I would try to explain to her that this is unnecessary; that her biologically-determined sexual orientation, though necessarily incorporated into a healthy sense of self, should not compel her to adopt a gender role which is not her own.

Due to the arbitrariness of gender, I de-facto believe in gender fluidity, that a person can adopt (or discard) whatever "masculine" or "feminine" traits s/he pleases whenever s/he pleases. So, your friend should just behave however she feels like (so long as her behavior does not stray into antisocial territory, of course); if she feels like being more dominant and assertive, she should, but she should not feel compelled by any societal or otherwise external social influences to behave in a manner inconsistent with her own established self-identity.

Hi Snowball, I found your your response to my question to be incredibly informative and sensible. I would like to point out that I have posted this same question in other forums, and received stupid irrelevant responses like are you homophobic!, and it's none of your business so stay out of it alright. Thanks from CHROME.

CHROME wrote:Hi Everyone, I have a lesbian friend who is impolite and rude to just about everyone,male or female, I have asked her about this and she says it's all about trying to be as masculine as she possibly can, that got me thinking ,...Does that mean that a man who is polite and well mannered will be percieved as being feminine by women in general. I sincerely hope not !. All replies on this subject are welcome. I forgot to mention she swears a lot too, and I am talking absolute gutter filth.

That sounds like a typical militant lesbian, just like homosexual men who think they have to be as flamboyant as possible. It's best to stop associating with someone like that.