need advice on boyfriend?

(edit, i have deleted what i have written as it no longer seems to matter and i don't want it floating around on teh internet)) everything is fine with my boyfriend now, we have sorted out all our conflicts and are happy now it is nearly our one year.

This guy sounds a bit aloof, as i'm sure you've recognised. I'm 27 now but the longest two relationships I've had were each 9 months only, and if I had my way I'd live at home with my parents for the rest of my life too. When you say 'irregular sleeping patterns', what are you talking about exactly? i'm guessing that he stays up late and then gets up late. This is actually common in people who are depressed, but from your post it does'nt seem as if he's depressed too much. If anything, it looks to me as if he could be spoilt by his parents. I know that he doesn't have a job, but is he even looking that hard for one?; or is he determined to make a career out of gambling/poker?

You seem to be a hard-working young person and something of an opposite to what he is. I'm not going to tell you to break up with him, however, as you seem willing to try to make the relationship better. One thing I must ask of you is to not continue seeing him if it is only going to make your own life worse. Certainly, don't ever feel sympathetic to him if he shows no willingness to get a job and/or move out. Life has to go on for us all, whether we like that fact or not.

Take care,
Kevin

It sounds to me like this man is not treating you in a way that makes you feel valued, and is not interested in doing anything about that. If he is getting better, how is he getting better? Are you sure you're not just getting used to being treated this way? I know NOTHING about gambling, but it sounds to me like whether or not there are addiction issues involved (and it sounds like there may well be), that he chooses to put gambling ahead of you. That would not feel good to anyone. In addition, sex shouldn't hurt, and should always be consensual. If it is hurting, you need to discuss it with him and see if you can figure out ways of having sex that are not physically painful to you. If you make no headway with open communication, I'd wonder if he may just not be particularly concerned with your needs, as it sounds like overall he is not. I don't think the age difference in and of itself is a problem, or even the fact of his living with his parents, or EVEN his being unemployed, since he seems to be suffering no financial hardship. But you do deserve to be with someone who makes time for you, is reliable, treats you with kindness and consideration, and who is somewhat compatible in his expectations about sex. These are pretty basic things. I think it would be worth thinking long and hard about whether this person, with his level of commitment to you and the things he seems to value outside of your relationship, is worth investing yourself in. It's great to want to have a partner. At 18 you have plenty of time to find a good partner who will treat you well, and it shouldn't be too terribly difficult, since you are in school, have work, etc. If he was a friend, would you accept this sort of treatment? If a friend frequently cancelled plans and was constantly wishy-washy about getting together, you'd probably get tired of the friendship pretty quickly. You have every right to have even higher expectations of your intimate partner. Don't sell yourself short!

if he is making a living off playing poker, you must realise that it is more strenuous than a full time job.

I play poker a lot, in fact I used to play it semi-professionally... it is not rare to play 10+ hours a day to make the same money as someone with an average wage.

His sleeping pattern is probably messed up because he chooses his own hours with poker, might not necessarily be linked to depression.

I can tell you if this guy is kind to you and loves you, you will have an exciting life with him. It can seem tedious but generally poker professionals do some cool things. ask him is he is trying to qualify to any live poker events, there are events held in the caribbean and vegas and on cruises and in monaco...

try asking him how often he plays poker, and don't be surprised if he says 14 hours a day. I know many people who do this.



and about the sex thing, a lot of men want lots of sex when they have the opportunity... just make him work for it a bit more.

also think about the age gap, and think about how you'd manage that in years to come.

If he wasnt "rich" would you still be with him?

I don't know much about you and your boyfriend but from what you have shared with us, I should say that I cannot see a good future for the both of you. Do you see yourself putting up to what he's doing now for long? If you are not happy with your relationship with him, if he insists on making you do things that you don't like but pleases him, then he is not considering what you feel. Your relationship is not going anywhere and you are wasting your time. I'm sure if that happens to someone you care about, you'll tell her the same thing.