Help with girlfriends sister

I would just give her a card designed for a sister. That's very platonic. And write something like "just wanted to let you know that I'm glad I could have a sister like you." And don't forget the first sunday in August is Sister's Day.

Having said that, you said in your last post "if I were to do something like that now..." That makes me wonder about what has gone on that you haven't written about. What is the "now" part that has changed your relationship? It sounds like in your original posts that she was blissfully unaware of your feelings and that this is your own personal, silent struggle. Has anything been said or acted on? If it has, then this probably won't work. If she has no idea about your struggle, then it should be taken as something very nice. Of course with her having a delusional disorder, that makes her a little unpredictable as well.

By "now" i mean since she has told everyone about her being watched, abused, and raped; and since we all think she is delusional.

As part of her delusion, she believes that one of the FBI agents doing all this to her loved her, and initially was protecting her. So I can't honestly say what feelings she might think I have or don't have toward her given her state of mind.

Ah, I see. It's hard to say how she'd react without meeting her. I would think though that if you emphasized the sister idea that it would prevent her from getting romantic ideas. You might want to discuss it with your girlfriend. Just tell her that you were thinking that you really like having a sister and wanted to get her a card saying how nice it is to have someone who is like a sister to you and see what your girlfriend thinks. She knows her sister better than anyone else so she would know if it would be appropriate.

Actually, the sad thing is that I know Lynn better than her sisters do, and I think even more than her mother. They all talk and get along, but they aren't what I would call close. I think it is because while they talk, it isn't about deep stuff. And they are very bad listeners, and can all be argumentative and passive-aggressive. Since I am a calmer person and a good listener, I have found out things about Lynn from her that I never thought to be true based on what her family's perception had been. For example, her mother makes comments all the time about her being glad not to have kids. Turns out, she really wants kids. If she gets too old, she is even thinking of adopting. When I asked Lynn more about that and why her mother doesn't think she wants kids, she said it's because when she was younger and in college, she didn't want kids. But over time, she has found that she does, but her mother remembers her saying that years ago, and doesn't understand she's changed her mind. That's only 1 example, but there are many others. And all of this points to me being the closest person in Lynn's life. Which is why this is such a struggle for me.

Thank you for your advice so far, and I'll be looking for a card this weekend.

Let me know how it goes!

Couldn't find anything I liked thus far. But didn't try a Hallmark store yet. The one that I knew where it was has closed. But the ones in the big box stores just weren't saying what I wanted to say.

you can always make a card yourself remember, then at least you'll have control over giving the impression you want to give.

i totally agree with clarifying the sister relationship thing.

i had some really weird vibes from a close friend who was going through some problems, I was so relieved when he made some comment indicating that we were like family... I loved him but so not like anything like that!

even if you can't find a card, just calling her your little sister (or something like that) and telling her that you love her as your sister, whatever feels natural to you in the context of your relationship, to let her know where she stands. It could be that she sees you as a brother and the intimacy is entirely due to the support you are giving her as a friend and brother.

with regards to your girlfriend, you should share with her your concerns for the wellbeing of her sister. As for worrying about your feelings etc, work out what they are before you even think about worrying her....

Couldn't have said it better zoegirl