My girlfriend told me she loved me and I don't feel the same

Should I continue dating her even though she's in love with me? We broke up cause she was trying to be controlling then after I broke up with her she told me that and want's to get back together. I want her back but only if she goes back to not being controlling. She said she wants to not be. But the thing is that even though I love spending time with her, and never been with a woman more attractive, I don't feel the same way. And I don't feel like I'm necessarily up for a serious relationship right now. I am up for an exclusive one, but I wanna take it easy and not serious. What should I do here? I love being with her, but I wanna be fair to her.

If I tell her this she may say she wants me back anyway, even though it may not be the best thing for her, but I'm not sure.

I don't think anyone deserves to be in a one-sided relationship. It would be misleading for her and it sounds like you wouldn't be happy either.

I hate tough stuff like this, but I don't think its fair to either of you to settle.

harmonica wrote:Should I continue dating her even though she's in love with me? We broke up cause she was trying to be controlling then after I broke up with her she told me that and want's to get back together. I want her back but only if she goes back to not being controlling. She said she wants to not be. But the thing is that even though I love spending time with her, and never been with a woman more attractive, I don't feel the same way. And I don't feel like I'm necessarily up for a serious relationship right now. I am up for an exclusive one, but I wanna take it easy and not serious. What should I do here? I love being with her, but I wanna be fair to her.

If I tell her this she may say she wants me back anyway, even though it may not be the best thing for her, but I'm not sure.

You should tell her exactly what you have written here - i.e. make it clear to her that you are not looking for anything too serious right now; and that you were enjoying the relationship the way that it was. When the 'love' wordis introduced too early in a relationship, I agree that it can scupper ann otherwise happy relationship. While saying this, maybe this is just who she is... ...and it's a sgn that the relationship won't work long term. Once you tell her what you want from a relationship, her reaction will give you an indication of the future together. If she can be happy going back to the way things were, then great; if she starts moaning, then it might be that things will not work out.

I'd like to hear more opinions on this though

Kevin

Me too... and thanks guys. Well I'm off to talk to her right now and I will tell her what I said here.

I don't see why you wouldn't just pretend that you love her too. Would make everything much less complicated.

Lying about love is a silly thing to do, insincerity. If you behave in a way that your username suggests, however, then maybe lying about such things is common in your life. You don't have to be cruel to people (even if you hate them), and can be helpful and nice instead,. They're all idiots, but so what? You're better than them. You know that life is $#%^ but they still can't see it. Don't hate them - feel sorry for - and help - them.

harmonica, please tell me what happened when you told her.

Kevin

Chucky wrote:Lying about love is a silly thing to do, insincerity. If you behave in a way that your username suggests, however, then maybe lying about such things is common in your life. You don't have to be cruel to people (even if you hate them), and can be helpful and nice instead,. They're all idiots, but so what? You're better than them. You know that life is $#%^ but they still can't see it. Don't hate them - feel sorry for - and help - them.

harmonica, please tell me what happened when you told her.

Kevin

Merely dismissing lying as "silly" isn't much of an argument. It often ends up getting you what you want much more easily than telling the truth, so I fail to see why it's "silly". Amoral, certainly, but many rational decisions are amoral.

Also, admitting the truth to a girl who loves you is probably far more hurtful than pretending to love them and making them happy.

If you think that admitting the truth is more hurtful, then you clearly have ulterior motives in the relatinship. In a moral sense, you shouldn't even have the right to be in a relationship unless you are honest. I know that lying happens a lot in relationships but it's just not nice. I prefer to be as honest as I can be. If I cheat, I admit it. If I don't love her, I'll say it to her (but explaining it)

Kevin

Why do all relationships need to be moral?

And everyone always has ulterior motives in a relationship, it's best if you admit them to yourself.

I never said that all relationships have to be moral - You assumed that's what I meant. Also, I can imagine how lying would feature in many relationships, but not to the extent that you are lying about being in love.