Meeting people

so, i want a bf. i'm worried about trying though, and i'm worried that when i go out i'll find he attributes my personality to mental illness or has a view on mental illness that is biased. I don't know how to tell a person. in the past i've been blunt, but now i'm just worried.

What's the illness you have?

schizophrenia (residual/remission), depression, anxiety, probably asperger's and OCD.

shutin wrote:so, i want a bf. i'm worried about trying though, and i'm worried that when i go out i'll find he attributes my personality to mental illness or has a view on mental illness that is biased. I don't know how to tell a person. in the past i've been blunt, but now i'm just worried.

shutin,

that's quite a bit you're juggling...probably the best thing I can say is that the one who is right for you will be able to accept you no matter what. But you'll never know unless you go out and try to meet someone. Good luck.

Hi Shutin, easy to say but hard to do. May be your ignoring your body telling you "caution" but deep down you want to know some body & want to meet some body, some time's gotta ignore what we want and do what we know will keep us safe, don't take my word for it though your no dummy.

Hey

The best idea is not to focus on what you have and don't. You are going to worry yourself and continue to feel like you have nothing to offer. Meet people and go out on a date. Its just a date. NOt a lifetime committment. If it goes great go on another and start to bring the subject up. Of course you should be honest and tell the person. Did you know that over 80% of americans suffer from a mental illness? You will find that people will be more comfortable with it if you are accepting and comfortable in your own skin. Hope this helps! Good luck and god bless

Thanks for the replies. wow, 80%. I knew stress was on the increase, maybe that makes us feel more mentally ill, or brings out that side. I heard it is better not to worry, so that is good advise. Getting it out is too and I know I can here.

@Jason: I do get that caution feeling a lot, and it is important to keep myself safe. I think maybe I've been doing that for too long though. It defintely comes in handy to be more cautious when I don't feel like being cautious. I just have to find the right balance.

Had to throw my 2 copper in here.

Social interactions are a self-fulfilling prophecy. I do OK when I have a goal in mind and I'm set on accomplishing it. What's your main objective for a first date/progressing relationship? Mine was to find someone who knows what pain is, but still retained strength and kindness.

I've found that if I don't make an issue of my mental/emotional baggage, other people follow suit and it's a non-issue. And if it becomes an issue, then it's on them. You are the way you were made. If someone takes issue with who you are, it's their problem and not yours. They can talk to your creator, or they can ###$ off. Some people can't deal with dating someone wheelchair bound. Is the person in the wheelchair of any less value? NO.

I haven't done any research studies on this, but I'm pretty sure that more people will avoid you due to political or religious beliefs than for the reason you mentioned. So give yourself a breather. Not everyone is compatible, and not everyone has the same list of priorities. Don't put it all on yourself.

If it helps any, I personally know two people who recently found partners, and both have been diagnosed with something or other.

Oh, and my mother has been successfully married for 5 years now to a very nice guy. And she was in a state hospital for 6 months--while they dated!

So there's definitely good stuff out there. Can't promise you that you'll find it right away. And don't settle, either.

(((hugs)))

Thanks for the advice Frayed
I forgot about the religious/political realm. I also go by those to an extent. My lack of religion and traditionality are things that contrast many people. I would rather date someone who understands the consequences and differences of life.

No prob.

I think I made an oops, though. I didn't mean to say that YOUR political or religious beliefs are wrong. I didn't mean to plant that seed. (Kill it, kill it, kill it!!!)

I just meant to say that, for a lot of people, mental/emotional quirks are farther down on the list that politics/religion, and other stuff, too. I was trying to be comforting.

Sounds like you took what I said in the spirit in which it was intended, though. (whew!) You sound like you know what you want, and that's probably the most important step towards getting it.

(((more hugs)))