I feel trapped, sad and in a dark hole

Hi, I am Leanne, I have three children and a partner, and I am in the process of getting a divorce from a 10 year marriage. We are getting divorced for two main reasons, he was physically abusive to me and he had an affair. We he had the affair, the woman that he was having an affair with, her husband found out and threatened my husband and told him that he had to tell me or he will. After a few days of talking I decided to give our marriage another chance. The man of the woman continually went into my husband’s work and threatened him and his work colleagues, he told him, you have ruined my marriage and now I will ruin your life. After my husband’s long talk with his boss, they decided it would be best if his job was relocated, so within a month we moved away nearly a hundred miles away from all of my friends and family. Within a year I found out that he was emailing another woman and starting another affair. After hours of discussion I told him that I needed to think and time with my friends, he was ok at the time and said he would look after the children, that evening I phoned him and said that I would be staying at a friend’s for the night and would be back early the next morning, I came back and me and my husband had n enormous argument, he told me that he did not like me going out with my friends on my own and didn’t want me to do it again, anyway I didn’t agree with this and the argument got very heated and he pushed me against the door in front of the children, he pushed me so hard I fell backwards into the wall. Because of this walked out and went to see a friend, we talked for a while and asked me how I would feel if one of my daughters was in the same situation because she saw he dad treat her mum like this. I realised the marriage could not carry on, so my husband moved out.
After only a few months I met my partner that I am with now, he moved in with me after three weeks. My partner does not like me talking to anyone as he thinks that I will find someone else, he doesn’t trust me although I have never lied to him and he has told me lies since we got together. None of his friends and family will talk to him and all he tells me is he doesn’t know why.
I feel so sad sometimes I can’t understand how he can love me but treat me this way, we argue mainly about me looking at other men, he doesn’t want me to go out on my own and my friends don’t want to know me anymore because when they used to phone, he would start shouting at me saying they were male and not female even though I did try to get them to talk to him and sometimes put them on loud speaker, but still he didn’t believe me.
I feel so sad and alone, I love him very much but can cope with the situation the way it is, I feel that I can’t ask him to move out as he has no one to turn to and I love him very much and would not want him to be a lone in a house share. He has been out of work for nearly two years and is not doing much to get a job, my youngest goes to nursery next year and I asked him if he would look after him while I go out to work and all he said was no, it’s a man’s job to work, but he isn’t, so I will have to wait till my youngest goes to nursery before I go to work.
My children and I can’t even have a conversation because he has to know what we are talking about and if I don’t tell him he will go and sulk, which he does regularly if we argue.
I really don’t know what to do anymore and sometime think of the easy way out, but then I think of my children and would never do that, but it don’t stop me thinking about it and if it would really be best for the children if I wasn’t around.

((((((((lea)))))))) It sounds like you've been unlucky enough to end up with two abusive men. This partner that you're with now is emotionally abusive and it can damage your kids to see you get treated like this just as much as seeing you get hit or pushed would. I think you have to ask him to move out. It sounds like he might even have some kind of mental disorder that starts with paranoia about you talking to other men to cheat on him and it can get much worse. We can't tell you for sure what's going on with him, but I can tell you that no good will come from this. Where do you see yourself a few years from now? Do you think he will change? If other people he has known won't even talk to him and he still acts like this, that is very unlikely. People who behave this way just ger more and more abusive and controlling. You're thinking about suicide because of the situation he put you in. You feel sorry for him, but you have to put your kids' future first. They need a healthy mother and they can't be happy around a man like him. He's responsible for his own actions.
Please turn to your friends and family and ask for their support. You could talk to a therapist too.
Deep down inside, you know what you have to do so that you can survive and your children can have a good future.

You've obviously been quite unlucky in your last two partners that have spanned a long period of time and I guess it is natural that you're thinking this is as good as it gets. However you've just been that...unlucky. Not all men are abusive and paranoid and controlling and you just need to distance yourself from your existing relationship and maybe take some time to get happy with yourself again, and maybe think about finding another relationship and hopefully it will be with a better person.