im lost, im scared, im numb...

Its been more than 4 yrs of our relationship.it started off well but wen i told him bout my drunken encounter with a friend in the past, he changed.He cudnt trust me.i told him dat it was past n i ws honest enuf to tell him bout it.Small fights started.Then after a while, we broke up n then patch up.it happened thrice.bt then i broke up with him n didnt c him for 5 months.by then, he totally changed.the person who loved me,cared bout me so much wer nowhere to be seen.at that time he cried,waited for me but i was so mad at him for seeing him with a girl, i ignored him.after 5 mnths i realized i hav been misunderstanding him, so i returned.but now even though we're back together, he doesnt giv a $#%^ bout me.doesnt care at all.ive never been this lonely in my entire life.wen i was alone for 5 mnths, i cud feel his love, there was still a magic within us.but now even though we're together,watever remained has vanished.i apologised,i cried,accepted the humiliation n ignorance he gives me now.he calls me names n tortures me mentally.so now i've decided to be strong enuf to survive anything that comes forward.I love him way too much,im crazy bout him n i know he loves me too.but we r too diffrennt n honestly speakin, i have no idea how he feels bout me now.

Thnk you guys for havin da patience to read such a borin n long post.My frnds are not with me(dats my fault as i wsnt wth them cuz my bf didnt approve of them). I have no one to share my feelings with, no shoulder to rely on...im one lonely little blue bird tryin to survive the big storm

Hi, joyseeker! Maybe he felt too hurt in the past and that's why he has this bitter attitude. If you don't think he can make you happy, you don't have to stay with him. Don't settle for a bad situation out of loneliness.
You can definitely share your feelings here!

It looks like hes scared to get attached to you. He loves you, or loved you and still has feelings, but he doesn't want to get hurt again. And he feels like he can't trust you, so you can try to earn his trust, or you can leave. You can't continue on this path.