Why do I do this?

Hello everyone,
I have been going out with this girl for the last 11 months. She is a really sweet and I dearly love her. I have never been the jealous kind but recently I have been so. I don't really know why but that is kind of beside the point. She is a very social type and still hangs out with her high school and university friends. I always feel somewhat disturbed and jealous about is for example like right now when she is away on a trip to another city with some friend of hers, both guys and girl and I know she is partying and the whole nine yards. It might be natural for anyone to be jealous or feel overly protective about something they love but what I do feel is a bit odd and alarming is the way I deal with this jealousy and insecurity that I feel.

I'll give an example of what I mean. This is a current example. My girlfriend is currently off to the capital of the country I live in with about 4-5 guys and 2-3 girls (including her). They have been having fun and going to night clubs at night. I know she loves me and would never do anything to hurt me but I feel like my stomach is trying to digest a couple of bricks at the thought of her out and partying with any guy other than me. A lot of people can probably relate to this. But what is odd in my case is that I have always have this urge to get back at her when I feel upset. I will lie about something that would upset her or something. In this case what I told her was that I had been hanging out with a girl that she knows is interested in me and was at a house party (not sure if there is another English word for it) with her. None of that is true in reality but I felt like I had to make that up to get even with her on some imaginary level. If i upset her we are even. I know that does not make any sense and is not a normal reaction. I'm not even sure why I do it but it does make me feel better knowing I am not the only one upset.

I feel so childish doing so and I full well know that reacting like that with someone you love is not a healthy thing to do. Then why do I do it? It feels like to me this is the only way to move on from the issue.

I don't really know what to do instead. We had a couple of fights in the past when I told her that I wasn't alright with her still talking to her ex-boyfriends etc. I would like to piece of advices what you guys think is the problem or what I should do. I'm kind of scared of complaining to her again about her hanging out with other guys. Help me out please

Thanks in advance,
First time poster by the way.

Hi, Kotik! Maybe you learned this behavior of hurting someone emotionally when you feel hurt or threatened from someone else. Do you think that's possible?
Also, people who are always jealous or insecure might have felt unwanted at some point in their lives, but in your situation I think any one would feel a little jealous. You're trying to improve your relationship and that's the important thing.

Kotik, where does your relationship really stand with this person? Is it casual? If so maybe you have something to worry about. But if you guys are in a serious relationship..well I mean think to yourself, is this girlfriend you're with trustworthy, loyal, honest, does she care about you? Your post already answers this, so you obviously believe she isn't going to cheat.

I mean literally if you guys are in a real relationship, this isn't stuff to talk to us about, this is stuff to talk to her about. I mean do you guys talk about yor relationship at all? Literally tell her that sometimes you value her company and would like to spend more time with her, heck even tell her that you're a little jealous (in a nice way). Relationships are about negotiating, if you're serious about this person you are going to spend a lot of time with her in the future.. in some cases a lifetime. You need to make sure you're happy and this happens by you being a little less insecure and her possibly spending a little more time with you.

Here's what you stop doing tho, stop lying about spending time with other girls. Its not fair, even with what she's doing she's being honest with you and is not intentionally trying to hurt you. Until you talk about it with her, you have no right to try and attack her like that. People are different with their own values and standards, try to get her to see your side a little first by having a very open ended discussion with her and then making a judgment.

You don't necessarily have to complain to get results, just state the fact that you miss her a little and value her time and even admit that you get a little jealous (State this in a calm and nice way) if anything she'll like the fact that you value her. Heck, if you really cannot talk to your girlfriend in a calm and polite manner and expect her to listen (even if not understand) You need to seriously question whether or not you want to be with such a person.