Dealing with friends...

I have only a select number of friends that I am semi-open with my problems/fears. It is very hard for me to open up and get close to others because of my past. I have recently had a problem with two friends in particular. I honestly think of myself as a good person. I try to be a good listener, and help my friends out when they need me. Sometimes this can be to my own disadvantage because I put myself out WAY too much. Anyway, two of my close friends have recently started to give me the "cold shoulder" and I cannot understand why.

It all started a couple of months ago when I finished graduate school and earned a master's degree. I was so proud of all of my hard work and effort because it really was HARD for me to finish. I was not able to attend my graduation due to family issues, but I did however receive my degree in the mail with transcripts. I was so happy the day that I received it, but kind of bummed that I could not be a part of the ceremony. I called up my family members and friends to tell them that I had finally earned my degree. Everyone congratulated me, but I later heard from a family member that my so called friends were bad mouthing me. They were telling people that I thought that I was better than them, blah, blah, blah. I have never acted this way, so I was upset when I heard this. I was just happy that I was finally done, and I wanted my friends to share in my happiness (was I supposed to keep it all to myself?)

The problem now is that they (my friends) have been purposely excluding me from our usual activities. They had a barbecue a few weeks ago that I just happened to find out about. When I ask them why I was not invited, they tell me that they figured I was busy, but an invitation was never extended to me. This has happened with a few activities over the past couple of months. I do not want to continue to isolate myself from others. In the past, it made me very uncomfortable to reveal any part of myself to people for fear of what they may think or how they would judge me. I am doubting my friendship with them if they are going to be immature about the whole issue. I have shared in their triumphs and achievements, and as friends, I thought this was what we were supposed to do. I'm not sure about the whole situation or what I am going to do, but I am thinking hard about it. Any advice?

Ask your friends if you have accidentally offended them in any way. Perhaps you did and you do not realize it.

First of all, congratulations on the masters! School can be extremely difficult, so that's no small task.

From your post, I'm assuming there could be two things going on with your friends. And both of them aren't good. But I'm just assuming, since I don't really know too much about the whole situation. How long have you been friends with them? Are they also college educated?

The best thing to do is ask them what the problem is. Otherwise, we're just going to sit here thinking up all kinds of possible reasons.

I have asked the both of them and they have said that nothing was wrong. I have been shut out of our normal gatherings with our kids and with just us girls. I actually confronted one of them last week and asked her what the problem was. She said that I didn't do anything, but maybe we needed to spend some time apart. WTH does that mean? We are supposed to be spending time apart, yet the two of them can spend time with each other? Needless to say, we don't spend all of our time together because I have work and family responsibilities as well. We get our kids together probably twice a month, and we try to have a "girls" night at least once a month. In between that time, they have had barbecues and b-day parties that me and my child were not invited to.

To answer your question, neither of them have college degrees, but this was never an issue before. I have in no way tried to ever brag or make my friends feel like I was better than them, NEVER! I was in school for 2 years trying to finish my degree, so I cannot understand why now after I have finished that they are acting like this.

emotionless81 wrote:To answer your question, neither of them have college degrees, but this was never an issue before.

I was in school for 2 years trying to finish my degree, so I cannot understand why now after I have finished that they are acting like this.

Perhaps it's because you actually finished. It's easy to act normal while you're still in school because there's still the possibility of failure. Is it possible that behind their smiling faces they were hoping you would fail and drop out of school?

People, in general, hate seeing others get ahead in life. It could be due to various reasons. Perhaps your friends are jealous that you're getting further than they are in life. Or maybe they're scared that your new degree will open up doors for you that will eventually cause you to leave them behind. It really doesn't matter what the true reason behind their behavior is. You've already asked about the problem. Yet, their words don't support their actions. If there's a problem, of any kind, and they won't tell you, then they really aren't the best of friends.

Incorrigible wrote:

emotionless81 wrote:To answer your question, neither of them have college degrees, but this was never an issue before.

I was in school for 2 years trying to finish my degree, so I cannot understand why now after I have finished that they are acting like this.

Perhaps it's because you actually finished. It's easy to act normal while you're still in school because there's still the possibility of failure. Is it possible that behind their smiling faces they were hoping you would fail and drop out of school?

People, in general, hate seeing others get ahead in life. It could be due to various reasons. Perhaps your friends are jealous that you're getting further than they are in life. Or maybe they're scared that your new degree will open up doors for you that will eventually cause you to leave them behind. It really doesn't matter what the true reason behind their behavior is. You've already asked about the problem. Yet, their words don't support their actions. If there's a problem, of any kind, and they won't tell you, then they really aren't the best of friends.

I agree. I guess I was just looking for a second opinion. I really did not want to believe that these people that I called friends would do this to me.

emotionless81 wrote:I agree. I guess I was just looking for a second opinion. I really did not want to believe that these people that I called friends would do this to me.

It's always bad when we trust someone and find that our trust was misplaced. This thread reminded me of something I heard over 10 years ago. It sounds really racist, but it carries so much truth that I'll say it anyways...

"Everyone needs a n*g**r"

As bad as it sounds, it's reality. A lot of people are "friends" with people who are "below" them. It builds themselves up at the other person's cost. You mentioned it's hard for you to get close to people because of your past. I have no idea what you're referring to, but I bet you're not the same person you were when you met those friends of yours. Masters degree or not, it's obvious you're a smart person from the way you write.

It might be time to end your friendship with these two people and move on. But I wouldn't look at it as "bad". Realize that you're growing as a person. You've probably grown to the point that you're no longer useful for their purposes. You're making progress and that really is a good thing.

Your name is misleading. You don't seem to be emotionless.

The human species is one that would eradicate itself in the sad attempts to prolong its own life. *We kill eachother in an attempt to live longer*

There is absolutley no limit to what one person can do to another, never forget this. (that goes for both good, and bad)

Eric_Lee wrote:Your name is misleading.

Yours too. I been done thought you was Japanese........

lol. you mean chinese?