broke up with girlfriend

For those that don't know a little ofiller. I'm 32 she is 27, and I've been with her 2 yrs. We have spent most of that time living together. My girlfriend is a virgin, but not religious. We kiss, cuddle sometimes and some touching on the butt is about as far as it goes. A month ago I broke up with her and she said she didn't want to be with anymore right now and in the same conversation us breaking up wasn't what she wanted.

I said at that time, one month ago, 'this isn't what you want then?' to confirm. But I was just checking what she wanted, the problems we had were still there and I wasn't trying to get back with her but she assumed it was back on so I let it be. But I said some things at least have to change and she smiled and said she understood. I let the talk about intimacy drop altogether.

Tuesday night we saw a movie and made a long walk home. We were both tired and a bit sweaty. She came into my old room were I was going to crash for the night to kiss me good night. We are living apart for the last few months. I kiss her back and I go to touch her breast and she moves my hand away, which she had done the week before as well. So I just got really frustrated but she went to bed, and the next day, after work I went to her to talk:

I told her that its too hard to be around her and kiss her and not want more, to not want to touch her. Its too much to do that after 2 years for me. We ended up breaking up, I did the breaking. She threw one mixing bowl at the wall. I waited two days and came to talk to her (I know I should have waited longer). The last two days she interpreted me saying hard to be around her as just that, that I can't stand it. I tried to explain. She was too hurt it seems to want me around, that it was too soon.

Other then that she mentioned I should move the rest of my stuff out so she could rent the room out.

I think that you are both throwing away something good here without even trying to understand each others viewpoints and needs. You didn't make any mention to asking her WHY she doesn't like the physical side of things too much, for example, but neither did she try to explain. Things might have gone so far that getting back together would be difficult, but I realy can't help but feel that you broke up without even trying too much to reach an understanding.

Kevin

I think Chucky made a good point. But i think you were right to get out of the relationship. If she is throwing bowls around, that's a serious anger issue. Even if she didn't throw it at you, that's a big red flag that there are some major self control issues there.

I feel really alone the last two days. She is too upset to want me around but says that won't be forever, she just needs time. When I went to talk to her the day after (thursday) she said 'whats to talk about, Its over. you said you can't stand being around me'

i said to her that I find it hard to be around you - and not want more physical contact. She hears me differently somehow.

I now want to immerse myself fully into my story. ( I am writing a book ). I have several books for research material to do this book, I want to do something more with my life before I get too old. I still hang around with my best friend but I want to focus more on this right now, like it is its own job and get some progress. I have always been a homebody, though i like to go out sometimes. How do I explain to people this. Right now its the only way for me to nuture my wounds. For some people that keep bothering for my time it seems almost the perfect excuse. 'hey I broke up with my ex, and I am consuming myself into my writing. it is my life right now' another part of me says a little selfishly, look out for yourself right now.

She hears you differently?; or is it that you just don't explain yourself too well? Look, I'm nowhere near the best at explaining myself to people, so, I tend to do itby writing a nite/email instead. Do this with your girlfriend. I imagine that you wll find it much easier to explain your feelings and what you'd ideally wish for in the future through writing a note to her. Who knows, maybe you'll also then realise that you love her and should try harder at the relationship. I'm not sure how to get her to notice this though.

I looked over that note I left her. She had to read it a couple of times but she understood what I was getting at. I skimmed it over later and realised it is confusing.

I basically said I was sorry I walked out on her, I should have stayed and talked it out more. That right now I think she needs me as a friend but if we don't work things out and don't get back together in the long run we'd be missing out.

She liked it and thanked me. Were spending a lot of time together lately, which seems good. I'm trying to keep it friendly. On the second day of us being friends though I went to give her a friendly hug and she went to kiss me. She said she still cared about me we left it at the kiss and been like close friends the last week.

Don't know where things will end up. But if they go back things will have to be different.

Hi,

Don't look back, and don't even speak of itt in conversation with her. What has been done is done, and experience in handling past problems will be what takes you and her forward. Try to put a fresh approach to everyting hat you do, and good luck!

Kevin

After reading this older topic, just wondering what's happened, any news ?