Hard leaving my ex-girlfriend finally behind...

Well I have been involved in a long 3 year friendship with my ex-girlfriend who I was with for 3 years prior. So I met her in 2002, started going out with her in 2003,2004, 2005, at the end of 2005 I left her for six months, then returned back and reunited with her but not as officially going out still.

We sort of became friends, mixed with some benefits here and there, but at first her heart was so broken, that I felt as if I needed to be around her to help her and I both heal, and then we became basically best friends, with fewer benefits as time went on, but the attraction was still there but it sort of became a bit more muted, and not as visual.

Anyways, I broke up with her because I figured she is probably histrionic personality disorder, but who can be sure, her dad left her when she was 2 years old, and then she had 2 step dads after that, and the last one supposedly had sex with her, yet she never went into details, so who knows and I never pressed it either, but...... there were alot of complications and problems that arose during our relationship originally, that made me leave out of desperation. She could be co-dependent like her mom too?

So this past month, I was trying to figure out why am I still around her 3 years after breaking up, it feels like we never acknowledged a break up, yet we still text here and there and call a couple times a week, and meet up maybe 4-6 times a month to go have drinks at my place and then at a restaurant. She will flirt subtly and we even had a couple at the restaurant we always see and talk with, tell us this past week that we both look like we are in love with each other, they could tell.

I am pretty sure at this point she is hooking up with another guy, yet they haven't become as close as a full blown relationship just yet, or she is trying to make me believe she is in one, I don't know. She is the type that would like me to come after her I'm sure this time, and may be trying to use jealousy to lure me in, but I don't usually fall for that with her, knowing how she uses that in the past.

She also said she doesn't think she could handle lossing me as a friend right now. She throws out mixed emotions too often, is she trying to tell me she wants us back again or not. I need some damn closure with this. At the moment I am not communicating with her any longer, it's a struggle though...

Now my ex said she would give it a try, meaning another go at a relationship, and I sort of was a little hesitant, but then I relized whenever I try calling her, she rarely answers her phone, and if I want to go out with her on a certain night, she ignores and can't do it. So over the weekend I came to the conclusion I might be being used by her or she is sort of playing me but for what? So I texted her and told her how I feel it's always her way on when we go out, and I told her if she thinks we should be together, and she said not really, but she supposed it could work, but she could see us when we are older.... It was a crazy response. As I told her okay, and that I want to cut ties from her, she also said she does want a relationship again based on our previous bond in our past relationship. I dont know what to think anymore, and yet if she wanted me to take her back she is making it very hard for me to understand that, yet she won't rule it out either.

Please help with suggestions. Maybe I'm depressed.

Is this love? or true love?

Is she scared to be left again by me, so she wants me to chase after her again? If this is love its very hard, confusing and scary. I feel like there is a magnet between the two of us. I can't break free from, but I will try for now. I just wish some could offer advice, I will check back tomorrow evening.

Thank you for reading btw.

I may be co-dependent myself, after texting her this morning I thought this is my new life now, no more Her in it. As the day progresses, I began to pick myself up and I was actually amazed at how well I was doing confidence wise and emotionally, I felt on top of my world for the time, haven't fel that great about myself in a long long time. I felt ME again, as in there was no emotional support needed for me. ... maybe I need counseling myself.

The worse part of my life began when I was about 12 years old, my parents divorced, cause my dad had an affair and I hardly ever heard from or saw my dad afterwards, now I'm 33 years old, and I see him at most 2 times a year, and it's kind of normal now...sadly enough. I always thought I forgave him, but over this past weekend I cried my eyes out over my ex- opening up and telling her all my inner feelings about how I felt betrayed by her during our relationship and how I want some sort of closure, and thats when I realized I finally forgave my ex. Then I thought maybe I only forgave my dad in words, not fully. Because I never call my dad, he always calls me and I really want to just call him soon and say hello and how are you. It's been way too long since that divorce, to not at least make an effort on my part, but he still avoids my sister and brother so...that still weighs a bit.

I know I'm rambling on with my thoughts, but if anyone has any advice or may think I need help please let me know. Maybe I am just one screwed up individual who thinks and feels too damn much.

almostover wrote:I am just one screwed up individual

Yes you are. Now please leave this forum and take your blog with you.

Just kidding. I think that you are losing your time.
Act like a man. Tell her it's over and move along.
She will survive.

<3

Administration: Please do not ask other forum members to leave the forum. We do not want to
give you another warning but will if you continue with this behavior.

almostover wrote:I may be co-dependent myself, after texting her this morning I thought this is my new life now, no more Her in it. As the day progresses, I began to pick myself up and I was actually amazed at how well I was doing confidence wise and emotionally, I felt on top of my world for the time, haven't fel that great about myself in a long long time. I felt ME again, as in there was no emotional support needed for me. ... maybe I need counseling myself.

The worse part of my life began when I was about 12 years old, my parents divorced, cause my dad had an affair and I hardly ever heard from or saw my dad afterwards, now I'm 33 years old, and I see him at most 2 times a year, and it's kind of normal now...sadly enough. I always thought I forgave him, but over this past weekend I cried my eyes out over my ex- opening up and telling her all my inner feelings about how I felt betrayed by her during our relationship and how I want some sort of closure, and thats when I realized I finally forgave my ex. Then I thought maybe I only forgave my dad in words, not fully. Because I never call my dad, he always calls me and I really want to just call him soon and say hello and how are you. It's been way too long since that divorce, to not at least make an effort on my part, but he still avoids my sister and brother so...that still weighs a bit.

I know I'm rambling on with my thoughts, but if anyone has any advice or may think I need help please let me know. Maybe I am just one screwed up individual who thinks and feels too damn much.

Dont is suck how so many dad's just go away after a divorce? Mine did too. We should never been allowed to be in our mothers so called care. She married a sexual predator. I won't go in to details,
but the divorce affected my worse than the rape and abuse. I am so happy that I survived that part of my life and it is no more.
You just start to sort stuff out as you get older. This is what you are doing. Don't put off your dad.
Mine died a few years ago, but the last year he was a live, we made amends, we talked on the phone
all the time. That was a very happy year. Don't waste another day.

fgactgyy wrote:

almostover wrote:I am just one screwed up individual

Yes you are. Now please leave this forum and take your blog with you.

Just kidding. I think that you are losing your time.
Act like a man. Tell her it's over and move along.
She will survive.

<3

Administration: Please do not ask other forum members to leave the forum. We do not want to
give you another warning but will if you continue with this behavior.

LOL. That's was pretty damn funny actually. I did write a blog it looks like.

Anyways, after writing these posts down, and re-reading it all, I realized I look like I'm completely lost, and that has never been me in all my life actually. I also realized that this woman I speak of is part of the cause, I should have never stayed with her she is histrionic I'm positive and since I've been with her, I have been confused and lost for the most part, and when I've been away from her I'm more confident and clear headed.

Interestingly, yesterday I texted her that I didn't want communication. Well today I broke down in the afternoon, and texted her a couple things not much, but sort of going back on my word. Well she is definitely with another guy so I am thank God out of here, I found out in a very very odd, circumstance way as well, that's a sign if there ever was one. I won't be sending or answering another text/call/email forever from this woman.

So, in the end you only response was the right one. This woman is HPD, and all I can say is it's some scary stuff.

[/quote]
Dont is suck how so many dad's just go away after a divorce? Mine did too. We should never been allowed to be in our mothers so called care. She married a sexual predator. I won't go in to details,
but the divorce affected my worse than the rape and abuse. I am so happy that I survived that part of my life and it is no more.
You just start to sort stuff out as you get older. This is what you are doing. Don't put off your dad.
Mine died a few years ago, but the last year he was a live, we made amends, we talked on the phone
all the time. That was a very happy year. Don't waste another day.[/quote]


Thanks you, I actually forgave my ex this past weekend I believe, and afterwards, what came to mind was my Dad. I thought I already forgave him, but did I? No it was only words, and I never really tried re-connecting with him, but I think I am now ready to first forgive fully and then give him a call.

You seem to understandy my ramblings, as sorting stuff out, as that is what I'm doing now that you say it. I'm also not really sure if my dad really wants contact though either, and that is what makes it sort of harder, but I will do my part.

Your story is so sad by the way, nobody should ever have to go through that. My ex said she did as I wrote, but I here stories about situations like that and it makes me sick to my stomach any person would do that to another person. So sick of idiots already in this world as it is, you know?

pope wrote: Please do not ask other forum members to leave the forum. We do not want to
give you another warning but will if you continue with this behavior.

Next time i will use bigger font to write "I am kidding". -__-

almostover wrote:

LOL. That's was pretty damn funny actually.

Op got the joke.

He's right fgactgyy that was inappropriate... your on a fine string right now... stay out of threads you can't be supportive in.... that is not hard to do, or shouldn't be.

That was quite a read!

I want go in too deep, but will simply respond to your initial topic. It is my opinion that if someone behaves ambivalent about a relationship, they don’t want one. Your ex-girlfriend didn’t want a romantic relationship, but she didn’t want to lose your support and attention. I find that a lot of girls (and guys for that matter) will show limited interest in someone to keep them on hand. You mentioned that she never picked up the phone, but I’m willing to bet that you were there when *she* needed you.

Perhaps someday in the distant future you two can re-establish a friendship that has all the same boundaries as any other healthy friendship. So many couples want to “stay friends” after a break up, but there needs to be some time and distance between the romantic relationship and the platonic one. You need time to tend your wounds and break old habits.

It’s good to break off all communication for awhile, if not indefinitely. You shouldn’t have to be involved with someone who has hurt or rejected you. It might be a good idea to delete her email or phone number from your cell phone or address list. You might have it memorized, but it’s so tempting to call or text when that number is readily available in your phone.

I hope you’re able to maintain an end to the communication. It sounds like you really need to get this person out of your system. I’ve had a similar situation, and there were so many nights that I was dying to hear from the other person. The pain and loneliness was overwhelming, but all you can do is wait it out.