Isolation

Um, if there's a more appropriate forum, please tell me!

I'm 20, I've got gender identity disorder (I'd like to have been born a dude), and severe post traumatic stress disorder. I'm an orphan (mom walked out, dad kicked the bucket), I don't think there's a medical term for losing the rest of your family, haha.

I live in a small town, and probably everyone in it knows me. I'm in a very bad situation, and getting out of it means having money to move to somewhere safe. I would be getting over the PTSD, but I seem to have a sign on my back, or a target.

I was seeing a therapist for about two years here, but then he stopped returning my calls.

There are a few people I talk to on the 'Net, but I don't have any RL friends. After my mom and my ex left me, the only people I talk to are my teachers or the aunt.

I've been alone most of my life, and I think it's starting to wear on me. I can't interact with others normally, I can't recall what humans feel like, and I'm beginning to hardly even see MYSELF as human. I can't touch anyone without it being a trigger, but I find myself desperately wondering if people are as warm as my cats, dogs, and hamster.

I want to get into the FBI or MI6, and to do so, I need to be psychologically stable.

On a regular day, I'll probably say only a few sentences aloud, in response to questions posed by teachers, or to say that I fed the pets.

My PTSD severely limits the types of people I can trust; even taking into account their physical appearance.

I try to make friends here, but it seems as though Americans want nothing to do with me, or like I'm simply invisible to them.

I don't know how to fix this. Is this normal, wondering what people feel like? Is there anything I can do?

Hi, cainberry! We have forums for survivors of abuse and a PTSD forum as well and you're welcome to take a look and post. Talking and making friends here has helped me. It sounds like you know what you want from life and that is important. It also sounds like you don't want to give up.
Could you look for a job that you could handle? I'm sorry that therapist stoped talking to you, that's cruel and unprofessional. You can post here when you're sad or stressed and it could get better after a while.
I know what it's like to feel like you have a target on your back. It won't last for ever, though.