gambling and money issues with BF. Please Read!

I am looking for support on a number of issues that my boyfriend and I are having.

Just a little history first. I have a son from a previous marriage that ended because my ex abused me. my BF has 2 children from a previous marriage that ended because of an affair on his ex wifes part. BF and his ex wife are now on good terms, I have no contact with my ex and he is not in the picture. I had a full time job that paid very well up until last week (I was laid off, <<darn economy>>) and bf has a very good paying job. Our rent is cheap and very affordable even for one of us. BF parents and I get along really well and accept my son as their own. My parents love my bf like a son. Bf also had to claim bankruptcy when his wife left him and cannot get credit.

We have been together for a year now and moved in together at the beginning of september 2008. After we moved in together I started to notice little things. The bills had not been paid and his finances were not good. BF was also asking to borrow money ($200 to $500 at a time). I also found out at the time that he had 3 pay day loans on the go. I also noticed that he was having mood swings. I am talking hot one minute and cold the next. He could go from smiling and laughing to angry and yelling in seconds. He even looked and acted depressed at time yet he had and has a very active s_x drive. which I find odd for anyone who is depressed.

So we worked through the issues together and my bf came up with a plan to pay all the debts off. I agreed to help out more with some of the household bills provided he stuck to the plan. So I made sure the household bills got back on track within a month and bf kept telling me that he was making his payments to the payday loans and his part of the household bills. We were both a lot happier.

Then he busted his back in November 2008 and was off of work for a month. During this month I found out that not only did he not make any payments to the loans, I found out that he took our rent money and got another payday loan. He took his insurance money for the chiropractor and spent it on god knows what. At the same time I found out he was not paying his part of the cable and internet bill. I immediately had to clear up that debt as I need the internet for when I worked from home. I was out $200.00 once again. I just could not save one red cent as I was always giving bf money or paying another debt (ex. phone, internet, cable, etc.)

By this time it was almost christmas 2008 and I was completely frustrated and started wondering where all my bf money was going to. Then I slowly started to find out. I unfortunately had to keylog our computer. I needed to know what was going on and were all of this money was going to. I found out that bf was gambling online, that he had been going to the casino after work when he was on his evening shifts. I also notice large chunks of money withdrawn from his bank account and more payday loans that had been paid off and then taken out again. there were bounced cheques and overdraft charges.

Without letting my bf know how I got certain information I was able to confront him on these spending issues but he just blew up, yelled and me and would not talk to me for a week. He just did not want to hear the truth or confront his issues. Inbetween I begged him to tell his parents of his problem and that we would all be able to help him. He yelled at me and said I was never to tell his parents or let alone his brothers. Then he pretended everything was better.

Then this past week bf told me that he was screwing everything up and wanted to die. I cried and was so scared. I found out about another pay day loan around the same time and I ended up going and talking with his parents today. I told them everything. They have given me their support, they have been wonderful and underderstanding. The family has been rounded up for an intervention this weekend. This was my last resort but what do I have to lose. I love my bf and I see that he has a sickness and needs help. I also want to mention that we are going on to appointment number 2 in couple counselling this week.

I am now starting to wonder if bf is bipolar. The mood swings, depression, gambling, compulsive spending and lying. It adds up. I know I am not a professional and cannot make a diagnosis but there really is not much more of an explanation for his behaviour. I have a close relative that suffers from bipolar and I see a lot of similarities.

I don't know what kind of advice I am looking for but I do know that I am looking for support and hope that there is someone out there who has been through this before.

Thanks for listening and letting me vent!

Hi, MPVG! This must be really tough for you, but I think you made the right decision by asking his family for support in talking to him about this. He needs help. When you are talking to him, you could try putting yourself in his place somehow, so he won't get too defensive.
If he gets bad mood swings, it might be bipolar, but only a psych can tell you for sure. You could convince him to go see a doctor and offer to take him there and give him support. I hope the counsellor helps.

Yes, it is seen in this case how payday loans have been able to help the gambler to overcome all his debts. Payday loans can be sanctioned and obtained easily.