Issues

Thank you to anyone who reads this, I don't have anywhere else to turn and ask for help.

Ever since I was a young child my parents have been fighting. My father is an alcoholic and is drunk most of the time. When he gets drunk he is very difficult and often yells and verbally abuses my mother. I remember crying myself to sleep at night since I was as young as 7 or 8 because all I could hear were his hateful words towards my mother and my mother crying. He also yells at me and my brother. He never usually hits her or us but there have been a few occasions. Altogether the three of us are scared of him and we are glad when he isn't home. The problem is, my mother doesn't know how to deal with it. She wants to get a divorce but when I ask about it she avoids the subject. They are still together now. I really don't know what to do.

My brother is younger than me and I don't know how this has affected him. But it has affected me and my relationships in a very negative way. My friends don't know about my home life, all they know is that I hate being home and I'll do anything to get away. I have never been in a real relationship because I don't know how to tell when I love someone or not. Also, the thought of a man and a woman being together makes me sick... I think this is related to these home conflicts that I have been having since a child. I'm afraid I will never have a healthy relationship because of this. It's gotten to the point where I can't even listen to love songs because it disgusts me so deeply. The few people that have loved me romantically left quickly because of my cold and distant nature. I could never decide if my feelings were love or simply friendship. I don't think I have ever really been in love.. and I don't want to live alone for the rest of my life while everyone around me is happy and having relationships. I know I have the potential to be happy romantically but I just don't know how.

If there is any way you can help, please tell me. I'm so confused and I don't know what to do.

Hi,

I actually know of another family near to where I live who went through a similar problem as you are now going through. The only 'release' they got was when the father died of a heart-attack. It was sad, of course, but his death brought on a new life for each of them and they are now doing well. I have no reall idea why your mother does not wish to discuss this issue with you but I'm guessing that she is afraid to confront her husband (your father) and perhaps there is also the fact that she is scared as to 'what the neighbours would think', if you know what I mean.

My advice to you is to find someone outside of the home that you can talk to about this. It could be the school/college counsellor or just one of your friends. Whoever it is, you must remember that keeping all of this to yourself is unhealthy (mentally-speaking).

I wish you well my dear.
Take care,
Kevin

Thank you for your help Kevin

As horrible as it sounds, we would probably be better off mentally if something like that happened to my father. But he is the only one providing solid income for us. My mother has health issues and cannot have a full time job.

Finding someone to talk to would probably help me greatly, but I don't know who. One of my friends has talked to the school's guidance councilor and she informed me that she is not very good at her job and getting help for the students. As for my friends, I have very few, and I tend to avoid long conversations with them. You see, I am very awkward socially and I tend to be paranoid in the fact that I think my friendships are always one-sided. That being said, I fear talking to anyone about things like this because it makes me feel as if I am being a burden to them. It's very severe and I'm sure there is a name for it, but I'm not sure what.

Once again, thanks for the help and I will try to work on this one step at a time

Hi,

I am awkward socially too, but I am 25 now and have learned various techniques to make conversations easier. i still cannot hold long conversations though, and I typically leave a conversation after only a few minutes. Regarding the counsellor, well, a counsellor is only good if te person seeing him/her is willing to accept their advice - know what I mean? Plus, you have to remember that counsellors only offer minimal help when compared to therapist, psychologists, and psychiatrists. Basically, think of them as just people with whom you can talk to about anything... ...and talking is a good way of releasing tension/frustration.

Kevin