I miss him...

Like I said, I aint perfect and I got problems like everybody else. There's this guy I've known since 2001. We were really good friends at first, just hangin out and stuff. I couldn't deny my sexual attraction to him. He is sexier than sexy, and he always had a way of comforting me.

I wished for years that we would have a relationship. Finally, in late 2006, we were hangin out one night and our desires took over. We never really "dated". He was a ladies man...and I was nowhere near the only one. I didn't mind though. I was not in love with him and I didn't feel like we would ever get married or anything. But we had a major attraction to each other. Every time we'd hang out, we'd do some sexual things but we connected most as good friends.

Last year, he told me some bad news. He was moving. Not moving like down the road, but to a totally different part of the country! I didn't know how to react at first. I was sad and angry at the same time. I felt like I was clinging to him way too much. I felt like I couldn't let go of him. Well he was gone in March...I know it's all for the better but I still miss him. We can't hang out every night and do the crazy stuff we always did. His favorite time of year is Halloween and it's kinda hard knowing that he's not here to celebrate it with me. ...I just needed to get that out.

Hey,

I can relate to you my dear because I had a crush on a girl for 13 years but never really got anywhere with her in a relationship. The pain that you're feeling will lessen with time, but make sure you take things easy over the next while, especially during Halloween when he will be more on your mind.

I remember speaking to another guy here recently who was in his 40's and was married. He recalled a girl he was with in his teens who also moved far-away from him, and even after two decades and marrying another woman, he still could not get this other girl out of his mind. I don't want you to end-up like this guy. If you are going to follow your heart, then follow this guy. However, if there is any doubt in your mind at all about a relationship with him, then cut him out of your life and move on to other things.

Maybe you're in love? Dunno.

There's no reason you have to cut the connection is there? Maybe the distance won't make that much difference.

See I think I like him most as a good friend, but then again there is a part of me that wants to say I love him. The thing is, I can't see him settling down with anyone permanently.

I'm sure that he will want to settle-down with someone eventually. People have the potential to change so much as they grow up and experience things in their lives. I just feel that, if you continue to stay in 'limbo', then you will never truly move on. When I imply that you are in limbo, I am referring to the fact that it seems as if you have not yet accepted the fact that he is gone. If you have accepted it, then please correct me. If you haven't, however, then something inside your head just has to 'flick' to tell you to move on and accept that he's gone.

You can talk long distance and keep it friends.

If neither of you finds someone else then you can get together some day and make babies.

If one of you finds someone else, they make babies with someone else.

I'd hedge my bets, a conservative move. Put very little energy into 'love' and sex and all that jazz. Enjoy him as a friend because that takes little energy.

Then see what happens. You might meet someone new and forget about it.

You're living way apart so it's a pretty safe strategy. Low risk, high chance for happiness.

The thing is, I can't see him settling down with anyone permanently.

I was 45 before I married, or something like that. It happens sometimes with men. Sometimes if guys are gay, too!

lol

Just for interest - Why don't you think you can see him settling down?

Does he seem gay? Or is he so straight that he just loves female attention a bit too much? Or what?

Chucky,

Yeah I pretty much have accepted that he's gone, but that doesn't stop me missing hangin out with him. I mean, I know it's for the better and we do keep in touch. He has changed a lot since he moved and really I think he's doing better where he is. So I do accept it. I don't get depressed or anything about it. I just miss him a lot. It's not like a huge weight on my shoulders. But I do think about him a lot and stuff.

sonovlaurin,

Well he's not gay. I know that. But he's practically see a girl, get laid kinda guy. I was one of those girls...over a long term I guess you could say. But I know we have a good friendship too - it's not just sexual.

But he's practically see a girl, get laid kinda guy.

Psychologists have a name for this phenomenon: Incredible Good Fortune.

^LOL He does have this captivating charm.