I need help

I have been with my boyfriend 9 months. Things have been really good at times and really rough at others. The wall in our relationship is my past. I made some really stupid choices before we got together. I was at a point in ym life I didnt care about anything. Didn't care if I woke up didn't care what people thought. I spent all my time drunk at bars. I ended up having some one night stands. I know what I did is wrong and I no there is no excuse for it. I wish I could change it, but as we all know you can't. This is something he morally has a problem with. It makes him sad and sick to think about what I did. He doesn't even want to do anything physical with me because all he thinks about is the other guys during that time. It is consumming our relationship to the point we don't know what to do. We have tried everything. I tell him sorry all the time. I try to show him I am not that person and that people can change. I just need help and some advice. I do that we love each other very much and we want to be together. I just don't know what elae to do.

Hi,

It is very unfortunate that your past is affecting both of you. However, if he was not genuinely upset by it, do you think that you would be?; or would you be able to get on with your life? What I'm getting at here is that he is perhaps holding you back, unnecessarily. Your past is 'done and dusted' and nothing can change it. If he does not like it, then that is his problem, not yours.

Think about this: Our past is what makes our present - i.e. the things that we do throughout our entire life moulds the person that we become. Therefore, if you had a past that was in any way different from the one that you had, then things would have turned-out differently for you both, and you most likely would not be a couple today.

Kevin

Thanks for the reply. To your question if it would bother if it didn't bother him, yes. I made the choice to change who I was being then because it did bother me.

Are you dating this guy:
http://psychforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=30507

You seem like a really nice person. Sounds like you did some things out of depression, but I do not think that you did anything terrible. I think it must be tough that your boyfriend feels the way he does. You could help him with his feelings, but he is the one that has to come to terms with your past.

It is important that you do not feel any less of yourself. Again you are not a bad person and you did not hurt anyone. Don't put yourself down, and do not feel guilty.

Only thing that I can think of that you can do to try and make him feel better is the following:

1. Tell him that you love him with all your heart.
2. Tell him that why you love him and how great he is.
3. Tell him that you are his with all your body and soul. That you wold do anything for him and that you are 100% devoted to him without reservation and for all eternity.
4. And finally tell him that he cannot do anything to make you love him any less and that you will wait for him for whole eternity if you have to.

I do know if this will work, but that would be what I would like to hear if I was in your boyfriends shoes.

I do tell him those things all the time. He knows I love him but he is having a battle with his heart and his morals.

Than I think that you did all you could. Continue showing support, but ball is in his court. Tell us how it works out. I wish you best, and you can count on this forum for help and support.

Talking is the key. But I'm sure you already know that. If he truly feels like he can't be physical with you then it may be time to find someone who can. But I would keep talking about it and show him that you care for him more then all of them put together a hundred times over.