Depressed

I'm really depressed because of the things my girlfriend has done with other guys in her past. When I say past, I mean she was young. She has gave a bunch of guys blow jobs and had intercourse with one guy. She had told me everything that she had done, but one thing and that one thing was what she did when she was young(gave a guy a blow job).

I love my girlfriend so much and she is all I ever think about. She has changed so much, but her past still bothers me. When I look at her I think about what she has done in the past with those guys. It is like those guys took something away from me. A part of me is so angry and I just want to tell her she was a whore, but I would never say that(even though she fulfilled the definition, IMO). I'm sorry if I sound mean, it is just that I'm so hurt, depressed and mad.

What do you guys suggest for me to do? How can I quit thinking about those things? Should I continue the relationship? I know I need to forgive her, but that is easy to say. I'm not mad at her at all, but I just feel like my heart is in so much pain, literally it hurts.

, Thanks for the help

Hi,

I hope it is allowed to post links , so watching this video clip might help you :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuLZHPJ1 ... re=related

So that guy just eventually got over it. He eventually realized that the past was the past and said that he did not have to worry about her cheating on him. The bad thing is...she did later on and they got divorced.

I guess the only thing that would help a situation like this would be to have a good head on your shoulders, give it time, don't mention past events, admit your own failures and be forgiving.

Capricorn7 wrote:I guess the only thing that would help a situation like this would be to have a good head on your shoulders, give it time, don't mention past events, admit your own failures and be forgiving.

I know it always hurt me when a girlfriend would talk about having sex with another guy. It gave me a sick feeling in my stomach. It would help if she would talk about what a lousy lover he was, or how it meant nothing to her. But it still bothered me, so I know where you're coming from. It almost feels like they're cheating on you.

But everyone has a sexual past, and most girls will have given blowjobs to other guys, etc., before they met you. It's just reality. Try not to be judgmental about it, and give it time. Please don't think of her as a "whore." She's actually pretty normal, from what you're telling us.

Anyhow, good luck. I know the feeling, it hurts.

You need to get over it! These are not middle ages, and we do not live under Taliban. Of course your lover had others before you. What did you think?

My wife too had been quite a few times arround the block, but this has never bothered me. All the things she did with those other guys, she also did with me, and more. This has never bothered me one bit, and why should it?

I think the reason it bothers me so much..is because I believe in waiting til marriage. I believe the Bible and I guess that is why it bothers me so much.

I really do think God was right about waiting til marriage. Just look at the heartache pre-marital sex brings. Look at how dangerous pre-marital sex is.

Well I guess I am not religious. In the old days waiting before marriage would stop the spread of STDs and it would ensure that the child you are raising is your own.

These days we overcame those problems. I had sex before marriage with few other women. My wife and I lived for years together before we got married. It took me some time to get the money for ring to propose, and even more time to get the money for wedding.

Old times were also different. They had teen pregnancy in the old times, but the teens were married. Divorces were few because women really could not divorce.

These days it takes long time just to get into position to get married, and most people cannot wait.

Are you a virgin (that is have you waited till marriage) ? That might be the root of your problems. You might also be afraid that you might not measure up to those other guys. Don't worry about it. Once you have sex few times you will see that it is not a big deal. When you are virgin, sex seems like an unattainable castle in the sky. Once you have a steady partner, sex is as regular and non-eventful as a snack.

And don't worry about your girlfriend not liking your performance when you get married. She is not going to measure and judge you based on those other guys. Friendship and companionship are what people value in marriage. Sex in a marriage is more like a side dish rather than a main course.

Capricorn7 wrote:I think the reason it bothers me so much..is because I believe in waiting til marriage. I believe the Bible and I guess that is why it bothers me so much.

Seems like you have two choices, then.

- Either find some way to accept that she had sex with someone else earlier (this means no judgment, not thinking of her as a "whore," etc.),

- or else date only women who have the same beliefs as you do about premarital sex.

You can find women in the 2nd category, but they are definitely the exception. If you're going to date "normal" women, you're going to have to get over it. If you can't, and you decide to date just virgins, the upside is that they'll be attracted to someone like you, because you'll probably make a great Christian husband.

I Agree with stephen_4817. The ball is in your court and you have a decision to make.

Your girlfriends does sound nice and sounds like she loves you very much. The fact that she is with you waiting to get married shows that she cares about you and wants to be with you.

BTW is this your girlfriend:

http://psychforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=30524

If she was only with one or two guys and gave some oral in high school or something thats probably the best your gonna find. So treat her right and try and get over it. Please don't call her a whore cause it's men that made us do these things in the first place.