How to deal with resentment and anger?!?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 yr and 9 mo. I really love him, but we did not start off on the best foot. When I met him I was going through a seperation and divorce from my husband. I was just starting to get the courage to get back out there. I was seeing a guy when I met my current boyfriend. So to say the least I had way too much on my plate (and that created drama in my life).

After about 1 1/2 months, I finally gave up on the one guy to be with my boyfriend (now). At the time I didnt know it but it bothered him. Well we started dating and started to become sexually active (and protected everytime). After a couple of times, I finally got the courage to tell him I had HSV-2 (had gotten it a couple years before that). He was destroyed. He didnt talk to me for about 1 week. Then he finally decided to get back with me. Things were good, but I was a mess.

After his reaction, I had really bad anxiety. About 6 months after we got back together, he broke up with me cause of my anxiety. Well he really loves me and started to see me again after a couple of weeks. I started seeing a counselor for all my issues. All of that was about just over a year ago. It has been ok since we last got together.

Recently my boyfriend has been very depressed with his job, life, etc. And it is taking a toll on the relationship. So I wrote him a letter about things like communicating, trust, meeting parents, future together. Well after a month I got no response and he keeps avoiding it. Well he told where he left it and so I went to see if was still there and it was with a very messy note from him. It was mean and resentful. He is still mad at me for everything that happened (HSV-2, drama, etc). He does not know I saw it. And in it he does not want commitment or a future. I dont know if this was just a venting letter or if he was really going to give it to me. I am so confused on what step to take next. Please Help!!!

Hey,

I think that you should just cool it for a second, and let him simmer with his anger. This is a good example of where communication and honesty are key components of a relationship. Im' sure that you and he know this for the future but, for now, you just goota back away from him and give him space. If he decides that he wants to be with you, then so be it. I think that you should also prepare yourself for the fact that he may not wish to be with you anymore. It would be silly to get your hopes up... ...Just try to mellow-out and take things easy for a while.

Kevin

Thanks Kevin. I have been doing that. I didnt want to jump the gun. And when he is ready to tell me about all of it then he will. One thing though. Do I ask about the letter I wrote him or not? How long should I wait?

Hey again,

How long you should wait is something that I simply don't know. I guess that you should just wait for as long as you can without giving-in to the temptation to contact him. About that letter, how did you send it to him? If he was in a fit of anger at the time he receied it, he may have just dumped it... ...Maybe you could ask him if he read it (and also mention that there were important things to read in it), but I wouldn't expect a response from him.

Love and relationships are such tricky things aren't they?; but I believe that patience is a virtue in this game. That's the card you must play now (patience).

Kevin

I didnt send it to him. I left it for him after I visited one day. And no he didnt dump my letter -- his letter was with the one he wrote to me. It was not in anger.

As far as asking him, I am terrified. I dont know if I should do it in person or on the phone.

Hi again,

It's been 9 days since you last posted here - Have you been weighing-up whether or not to ask him this entire time? If so, then you should either accept that you are not going to ask him or else just get it over with and ask him. Certainly, what you should not do is continue to procrastinate about this as it will wear your conscience down.

Kevin

First off I did not availability to post anything for 9 days....secondly....i never said that he lives half way across the country so we dont see each other everyday like other can....i just want help!