I'm screwing up my relationship and I don't know what to do

Hi,

I haven't written here before, but i desperately need some advice because i think i'm losing it.

I don't even know where to begin because i feel so messed up, and i've had so many stupid 'problems' for as long as i can remember - i've cut myself, been bulimic, had massive anger problems and mood swing problems, but i've always kept it to myself.

Then about 9 months ago i started going out with my boyfriend, and he made me realise that i needed to see a doctor. i was diagnosed with depression, and prescribed antidepressants. things were better at first, and i finally felt more stable, and content for the first time ever. but i've been taking them since february, and i don't know why but i've started feeling the old feelings all over again - and i'm having really confusing feelings about my relationship.

At any one time i'm either completely in love with my boyfriend, or i'm furious with him for no reason and i can't stand him. i feel like he defines me, yet i turn into a psycho around him. little things he does drive me mad, yet i'm constantly seeking approval from him. i feel like i'm always on the verge of telling him i think we should break up, but yet i would be devastated if he wasn't around. i love him to pieces, but i can't stand him.

i hate myself for thinking like this, and i keep getting huge and sporadic bouts of feeling intensely angry, then hugely anxious, then horribly sad - often all in the space of one day. i know that my boyfriend feels like he's walking on eggshells around me, and i'm terrified that my mad behaviour is going to drive him away.

i often feel like my emotions are completely out of my control, and sometimes it seems like i'm watching myself from another place when i'm being a bitch to him.

I'm at a complete loss, and i know that it's only a matter of time before he gets fed up with being treated like $#%^ and just walks away. i just want to be like a normal girlfriend, but at the moment it feels like i can't.

xx

Hey,

Are you still taking those anti-depressants?; and what are they called anyway? I take anti-depressants too but they have the effect of 'neautralising' my emotions, not causing them to become out of control like yours appear to be. Anyway, aside from the annoying things that your boyfriend does, is there anything in your life that's stressing you out (like work for example)? It could be that something is stressing you, and then that in itself is causing you to become agitated / edgy around your boyfriend.

What ever the case is, always remember to stand up for yourself in a relationship. I mean, you shouldn't feel like he defines you at all - You should be defining yourself.

Take care,
Kevin

Chucky wrote:you shouldn't feel like he defines you at all - You should be defining yourself.

Well said Kev.

Are you sure that it's your moods that are affecting you or do you honestly have problems with your man? Is he triggering your madness? If you have had problems in the past with your temper then I can see why you think he is your saviour, but a man cannot save you from those things, only medication can. Have you tried to have a break from him and see if you still feel the same angers and worries?

bristolgirl wrote:i feel like i'm always on the verge of telling him i think we should break up, but yet i would be devastated if he wasn't around. i love him to pieces, but i can't stand him.

I know what that feels like. You should look at the situation from out of th box. Is it really just you or is it him too?

xx

Undoit wrote:I know what that feels like. You should look at the situation from out of th box. Is it really just you or is it him too?

... ...and well-said too, Undoit. I think that many people fall into the trap of loving the feeling of being in love, rather than actually loving their partner. There is a difference, and I don't think people get it. However, by looking at the relationship from outside of the box, you can probably gauge whether or not you really love your partner.

Kevin

Woah, your shrink is a quack me thinks. Sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder to me. If you dont know what it is, then read this and please tell me if it rings a bell..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline ... y_disorder

Since you know you have a mental condition, with respect to all of the replies and friends above, i would say that it is a therapist or a councellor that could give you the best answers concerning you and your relationship.

If you really feel this person, this man, as a personality and NOT as a helping hand, is the man you want, then try to fix the problems. Talk to a professional, and get him to attend the meeting too.

I know how it feels to "NEED" to be with someone or with a specific someone. But it's not the ideal relationship... maybe it's not good even...
In your case you should talk with your therapist prior to breaking up, if you actually want to break up. Make sure you don't deteriorate after the loss of the boyfriend. It's a complex condition..