please I would love some comments/thoughts tell me yours

hi all - have a little story to tell - it has to do with how men can 'compartmentalize' - and do something really bad like cheat and think nothing of it - and be totally fine in other life areas...Pls share your thoughts - I am really interested in some other people's opinions:)

I was kind of seeing a guy some yrs ago - well I was hoping for a nice boyfriend out of it - for him it was just sex but I didn't know that at the time! I was stupid enough to sleep with this guy the first time I met him, hoping it would lead somewhere into bf/gf country - how dumb I was! He obviously thought it was a one nighter but I gave him my ph no so I guess he thought - why not go back for more?? Plus I was a virgin before him which I think intrigued him - so I guess that inspired him to come back for more too. (Yes I totally regret that, too - but it is not the worst thing that came/went out of this).

Anyways longer story shorter, (if you want more details - there are some funny/embarrasing ones! - just ask and I am happy to tell!) I found an item of female property in his car and finally got out of him that he was already in a relationship. He had never promised me anything or told me much about himself - young naive me just went along with it until I found the eyeliner. So after that of course I immediately called it off and he just laughed and said 'see you round' as he walked off. I never sought revenge or anything (and never will). I didn't even yell at him or anything, just told him this was it and then he gave me a psychological 'slap in the face' by laughing as saying 'see you round' as he left.

You might be thinking - 'what a b^%&$*d'. Well, he was to me but in actual fact he had everything going for him - extremely well paid job, friends and family (he actually had a child with the gf at the time), plus he was sensible and looked out for himself (and I guess the gf except the cheating!).

So it was totally unresolved (for me)and now I am paying for it as I have a bit more time on my hands these days to dwell on it (yes I know I should stop). The gf/wife never found out so she didn't get hurt. They live in a small town close to family/friends, so he probably can't/doesn't cheat anymore.

This is the bit that I can't seem to get over: I originally comforted myself with the thought that if he cheated, then they probably aren't happy - or at least he isn't. Finding out about male psychology has made me realise that he was probably a decent guy in all other areas and probably is in a fine and dandy marriage (he married her a few yrs later). Some (by no means all as many many men have integrity and morals) men can cheat and it means absolutely nothing to them and possibly even nothing is wrong with their relationship. He was young so I guess he was in this group - just wanted a bit on the side after having a child etc. Finding out about this male psychology has been a blow as it really does sound like what he did. I can no longer think that he probably has a bad relationship - or is a bad husband. Maybe it WAS just an abberation and he/they are fine now?

I guess I am just looking for a downside to what he did (a downside for him and/or his marriage- as there does not appear to me to be one) I guess. To make me feel better (crazy! - but that is what I think I am doing here). But you know what, it actually would make me feel better!

comment away!!


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Hey,

I'm a 25 year old male and I understand your bitterness towards men, in general. However, I have to say that cheating sounds just as abhorrent to me as it does to you and, I should add, a girl once cheated on me before. In fact, she was dating a few other guys at the same time as me, but never told me. So, it can happen both ways. I do realise, however, that there are probably more guys who have cheated than there are girls who have cheated. I generally don't hang around with guys, because I find that they are wretched the most of the time (regarding treatment of girls).

In response to your poll though, the answer that I want isn't there. The answer - as I see it - is 'I don't know'. Plus, I don't think you should be worrying about whether or not he is happy at present, or whether or not people who cheat get 'punished'. Instead, you should just try to stop thinking about him and getting on with your life. By you even devoting this thread to him and how much he has impacted you, he is still showing how he has a grasp around you. Release his grasp, and move on in your life.

Take care SuperStar,
Kevin.