A few issues with my girlfriend

I'll give you a backdrop to fill in some of the blanks. Sorry this is long, I tried to keep to the facts.

I met this girl online about five years ago and we became friends. She would visit me sometimes from the valley, (approximately a 2 hour bus ride for her into the city).

Two years ago, after having not seen her in for about a year, I missed her and wanted to see her, so she invited me up for a visit. There was a spark there and we had a good time but I had to go back to the city to my job after the weekend.

A situation came up months after this, she had no place to live and I invited her down to live with me in the city till she got her own place in town. She knew I liked her and was not looking for a relationship, so I knew I was treading on thin ice. It was a year later that things took off with us and we got involved.

Just before making things official she wanted to be sure that I wanted to have a child someday, which I had no problems with.

Things started off slow, even in holding hands. Her mother is very religious, she is not, but she holds a lot of the values, so I figured that was the reason.

I stayed over some nights and slept in the living room. We had yet to evolve beyond kissing and she tries to seduce me one night while her room mate was out at a party. It was so unlike her that I didn't pick up on the cues of her inviting me into her bedroom.
The next morning she feels upset/hurt, explains she wanted to have sex, and asks me questions like "well when did you and your last girlfriend have sex?" and I find out she is a virgin, which even though she was in a 2 year prior relationship I wasn't surprised.

We talked then about trying again, she gave the idea of that night but she asked if her roommate might here and I said we should wait. Discouraged, she agreed.
Conversations followed over the next few weeks where she shyly tried to ask questions about sex to me.

Maybe two months into the relationship she quit her 1 year job over stress and continually picking up airborne sickness. She invites me to move in, we both feel its too soon, but I agree but she's got no income. She's gotten a few jobs since then, none have regularly given her more then 25 hrs/week, so she's usually just covering her share of the rent. By this point her room mate is gone as well.

She also comes clean in a conversation one night and says when she meant one day for a baby she was thinking sooner like December/07, (relationship started summer/07).
I was shocked. Her reasoning was her biological clock was ticking, but she was just hitting 26 years old. (I am 31). Were still at the kissing stage, she hasn't a full time job, but she's sure everything will come together.
I felt for quite a while she wanted to be with me to have a baby. We end up shopping for a few baby items and even buying a baby names book, even though I know this is jumping the gun, I allow us to be caught up in the excitement of it.

Shortly later, her cat of 15 years dies. Its like a child to her and she's devastated for quite some time. All talks of a baby drop and of her wanting to also live in the valley again someday with me there with her.

Over the next several months, I left her notes before leaving to work. They talked about wanting us to talk more, bringing us closer and more intimate & sharing a room and talking more when I got home.
At first she was sometimes got frustrated by me trying to put these discussions on her when I came home, complaining she was tired. But often she was going to bed and not even saying goodnight and shutting her down, cause apparently thats what she was used to be her family. I felt lonely and frustrated so many nights and considered walking out on her. Then I got up the nerve to get these conversations into the air and her not saying I love you, her saying I should know how she feels. And I made some small headway getting her to say I love you and goodnight.

It was clear she had some baggage with last boyfriend I later learned treating her like crap. Trying to push her for sex when she wasn't ready and controlling how her paycheck was spent and being verbally abusive and controlling. She doesn't know why she didn't leave sooner.

Her excuses to be on not taking our relationship up a level changed from: Her feeling she wouldn't be as good as my last girlfriend, wanting to settle into her current job, and eventually She told me all about her ex and how he was.

Recently I asked her how she felt about a baby. We weren't ready, I knew that, but I wanted to know if things had changed since the topic died so fast last year. She didn't know, she didn't even know if she wanted to live in the valley anymore.

I chose to move out, it upset her but I thought it would help. I left for about 3 months, to give us the space we never had while dating. I've since moved back and things are better in small ways, shes more affectionate and says how she feels more, but I'm still in another room.

She said she needed to talk to her mom on some things and spent the last night not in the tent we had but inside and I could hear them in raised voices. It sounded like she said "He beat me mom" but I could have misheard or misunderstood, it all sounded muffled. She never told me about anyone hitting her and I haven't brought this up in the week since it happened.

So I've tried talking to her, conversations were stretched out over time. Some friends say I should wait for her if I love her. I think I'll leave it here and you can ask anything I wasn't clear on.
Were just still kissing and light touching (butt), and that is about it.

Her parents divorced when she was young, so she is has not become a strong believer in marriage, but is not ruling it out in the future she said.

Thank you.

Hey,

You've explained everything quite well, but there's so much to take in at once here. Firstly, you got it right when you said that she has extra "baggage" with her; but it's not just from her previous relationship. In fact, you can think of the whole fact that she is still a virgin at 26 years old as extra baggage too. Plus, the fact that her parents are divorced is also extra baggage. So, she's bringing a lot with her wherever she goes. This is not necessarily a bad thing though.

Anyway, if you are genuinely fond of this girl, then you should work on it. I think that she is probably smitten for you but is obviously les experienced than you are when it comes to sex. From the way she acted, it sounds like sex is a big issue for her, and one that upsets her. You sound as if you understand her situation though, and that's a huge positive. Other guys wouldn't give her a chance at all if they knew she was a virgin.

Whatever the case, I think that you should definately work on it if you genuinely like her. Talking bout a baby so soon into a relationship is not a good idea though. It can detract immensely from the 'getting to know you better' stage.

Kevin

Thanks Kevin. I did consider breaking this into sections, but was not sure how to divide it properly.

Things have improved over the months, she's not as uptight. When I whistle at her now, even when she comes out of the shower with a towel around her she's not as feminist about it but smiles and says things like 'you know it!'

I am frustrated in some ways, but I'll try and keep communication open in a positive way.

hehe, that's very cute (You whistling at her and her replying with: "You know it!"). Look at this thing another way too: What exactly makes a good relationship? It's certainly not just sex - no. What makes a good relationship is basically two people who can live happilly with each other, as if just like best friends. There should be no pressure regarding sex and there certainly should be no secrets. What you and her have now sounds great.

Kevin

Yeah, she does a lot of cute little things. I agree with you on the sex topic, though I wish for more closeness. I would be happy with just being able to sleep next to her.

Yeah, I read all the decades which you have described here.I think there is some thing missing and this is thoughts.

She has an indecisive nature. She cannot make her own decisions completely. You should make her trust you and decide what is good for her then act on it.