Attracted but Afraid

Hello
Met a man in my building a few months ago.
I was very attracted to him. We'd see one another around the building and began making eye contact, small talk.
Anyhow, he invited me up to his apartment on a couple of occasions (for coffee). I declined. He's older than me and has a child. I felt I'd be giving the wrong idea, if I were to go up to a strange man's apartment.
But, I am interested in getting to know him.

Last time we came across one another, he opened up to me. Rather out of the blue, since all of our prior encounters had been very breezy and light. This time, he told me about his hard fought child custody battles, and all the money he spent on it (seemed exaggerated and improbably to me). Took some major character shots at his ex (saying she's got money for alcohol and drugs, but not for alimony) etc...

I really don't care about any of this. I understand people have problems and baggage.

My friends have told me to be careful. Said he could be dangerous. Could very well be a drug user himself (if his ex was). Could be dirty, could have STDs from drug use etc.

What do you people say?

Hey,

I think that you should listen to your friends' opinions. I mean, you really don't sound like you need all of this guy's 'baggage' (and, let's face it, it sounds like he has a lot of baggage). The only person who opens-up so candidly about deep personal issues like his, is a person who has an awful lot on their mind and needs help. That's not to say that you should be the one to help him though - It could be dangerous getting involved and, to be honest, you don't know the full story about his custody battle.

So, regrettfully, I think you need to stay friendly with him, but keep him at a distance. We have to look out for ourselves, ya know what i mean?

Take care,
Kevin

Hello
thanks for your reply.

Well, I'm not sure what you mean by 'dangerous' to get involved...

He won his custody battle... So doesn't that mean he's done something right?

Hi,

By dangerous I just meant that you don't know what he's like as a person. I mean, we never really know someone until we get close to them, right? There might be a very bad (or good) reason as to why he has separated from his partner. However, I am aware that potentially every new person we meet could be 'dangerous', so, my theory isn't solid!

I get the feeeling that you want someone to tell you to go for it, but no-one has yet to say that to you. Just, do what you want; what you feel is best for you. If you can handle the children there also, then fine. If you can handle his emotions, then fine also. It is just that in my experience, people who open-up too quickly to others about their problems generally have some 'mental issues' still going on in their head; and that is a lot of extra 'baggage'.

Kevin

Heheh
You are right
I DO want people to encourage me to go for it.

No, the children don't bother me.

Him having baggage from the past doesn't bother me either (by mid 40s, you should have some baggage, otherwise something is wrong)

He opened up to me when I asked him why he hasn't dated in a while. So I guess the flood gates opened with that.

I don't know. I just wish I could get to know him better, without pushing anything

Alright then: Go for it. If you think that you can handle it, then go for it. If at any time you feel that you don't want to go further though, pull-out of it quickly. Don't feel that you HAVE TO stay with him just because he is lonely or is guilt-tripping you. Okay? I'm sure you know this already.

Good luck

Kevin

Thanks for your help.
Fingers crossed

hehe, tell me how you get on (but if I don't hear back from you again, i'll assume that everything is going fine).

Good luck,
Kevster.

yea, either that or he murdered me!