relationship break-up

My partner and myself have just broken up and we were having a little argument. She said to me 'I took you in, sorted your head out, looked after you and showed you love, that's what a relationship is'

At the time I was homeless and my family and a lot of my friends had given up on me (not all of them though)
What do you make of this?

Hi,

I don't know what to make of it really because you have not provided much information. I mean, was this just one in a long succession of arguments?; has the relationship been 'shaky' for a while?; and what was the argument actually about?

Kevin

No, it's more or less the same line she's given to me at the end of every argument, she always seems to lay a guilt trip on me or you may call it emotional blackmail. It always ends with one of these:

I took you in and sorted your head out (whenever I complain)
It's all in your head (whenever I've caught her out with something)
If you don't like it then get out (whenever I want a say in our lives)

She doesn't ever seem to show any emotion at all but when she cries it always looks fake.

I'm sure I heard her on the phone to another woman in bed one night but she denies it - I may be wrong I may be right, I don't know. Just before it happened she was trying to spice our sex life up but it kind of felt like she was over-compensating for something. I also felt a bit strange when I signed our youngest daughters birth certificate, it was the way she was looking at me - again I may be wrong, I may be right - I don't know.

It appears that she lies compulsively to me, though its usually over little things like the time that she'll be home or where she's going. I find it strange how she can sit here and talk about her own cousin being a pathological liar though! We were together for about 9 years.

well, why, in the end was the defining reason for your breakup?

Hey again mentalmarc,

I still don't quite know how to interpret her actions. The only thing I can draw from this is that she wanted to break-up with you for quite some time, but was afraid to actually say the words and just do it. People do that a lot if they are scared to just 'end it'. Do you know what I'm trying to say? Rather than end it abruptly, they favour the long, drawn-out break-up; typically characterised by giving your partner a 'cold shoulder' at every opportunity.

Kevin

Well, she sounds as if she becomes passive aggressive every time you assert yourself or express your preferences. If, as you say, this is how she always reacted, that she is also dishonest, what could possibly have kept such a relationship going for 9 years?