Any hope?

Do you think there's any hope for people like me who are rubbish at relationships?

I don't even know why I'm rubbish. Which I suppose doesn't help in correcting the matter.

Or perhaps it's just a case of finding the right man and then we're no longer rubbish?

I did live with a man for ten years, but I ended it. I don't regret that decision at all, it was the right one to make. Just because I was with a man for ten years doesn't mean I'm good at relationships.

I'm ok with having sex with people as a casual thing, but I've grown out of that somewhat, or at least I hope I won't be doing that for the rest of my life.

It would be nice to find someone and not have sex with them straight away. But that makes me look frigid which believe me I'm not. Which scares men off straight away.

Hey, Sparkles! Is the relationship you were in when you came here over? I don't mean to pry, you don't have to talk about that.
I don't think you will be bad at relationships, becouse you care about the other person and you do what you can to protect their feelings. Maybe if you told the right guy, he'd understand your situation and you could work something out.

No it's not over. I'm just getting doubts, as usual. Problem is all my previous doubts about other relationships came true.

I can understand the way you feel right now. Not exactly, but I have an understanding. The past six months(you read my super long post from before, thank you again) I've attempted to date six different people which ended on the most bizarre terms. I felt a lot of different things. Such as:
I'm rushing too quick into things
I'm rebounding from my last huge relationship
I don't know what I want
I think there is something wrong with me
I pick the worst people to pursue

But I sorta realized a couple things from that. Not only did my friends reassure me, but I found that people on message boards like these had been in the same boat and gone through similar situations. So it made me feel like I was a special/rare case. Which is good, hahaha.

Second, I was worried too much about MYSELF. I know that sounds stupid, but if you look at the things I listed... everything involved me trying to analyze myself. Which can drive you nuts. So instead of thinking there is something wrong with me, I've kinda kept myself at a slow pace and whenever I would meet someone, I would only look into their actions and not try to follow some structure regarding my own behavior. I'm not saying thats what you do, but just be careful with that. And of course, I always ask myself: "Is this the kind of person/relationship THAT I want?"

What a difference a day makes eh? Just like the song.

I spent a lot of time thinking last night, weighing up my choices. You see there's nothing inherently wrong with our relationship at all. We've never argued as such. He has always said if I need to talk just to tell him, if I'm having problems just tell him, as he knows my background more than anyone else. I assume most people in relationships would give their back teeth to have that said to them, to have that avaliable.

I've realised it is me. I've started to clam up about my doubts, my feelings, just like I have before in other realtionships. Relationships where I didn't have the obvious outlet to discuss things like I have now. I have to learn how to talk to him about my doubts. I was worried it would hurt him, but I think if I explain myself properly it won't.

I've not let anyone get close in a long time and he knows this. I think this is my problem. He knows so much about my past it's actually quite strange. But armed with this knowledge he'll understand.

We have a great sex life, a great companionship. The best I've ever had if I'm honest. I'm feeling much better now I've realised this and eager to carry on. Don't know what tomorrow will bring, but tomorrow is another day.

Caroline

I'm happy you have someone like that in your life, Caroline. Do you think this might be connected to what you went through when you were younger as well?
I know how nice it feels to have someone who's willing to talk and cares about you.

I don't know if it has connections to what happened to me or not. But I know I'm not going to let what did happen to me rule me for the rest of my life.

Of course you won't let it rule the rest of your life, but sometimes it helps to figure out what's causing a problem, I guess. If you feel comfortable this way and you can deal with things, you don't need to think about the past.

Don't worry about it. Life partners come with luck. Just keep living normally, it will happen if it has to happen.