Confusion with friend

Hi there,

My friend is in an emotionally abusive relationship with long term wife. She is taking it out on me, and does weird stuff ie fake sickness etc etc. I am getting tired of it, and have spoken to my friend on many occasion to stand up and say something and deal with the situation instead of putting head in the sand. It is with me as well as others.

I am very angry at this situation and after 2 years getting sick of dealing with this situation. There is no issue with my husband doing this or having any issue with myself having a close friend.

I dont really want to leave this friend at all. There is nothing wrong there, it is just I dont trust the partner to be civil and nice to me. It is making me feel sick and just angry that nothing is being done, and I am somehow supposed to be supportive of a partner that abuses. Am I enabling the abusive partner to abuse? I have told them straight out that the partner is abusive towards me and others, and they are just blind to it. They have told me they have no plans to leave. I am sick of my anger towards the partner and will take time out to assess what I am doing.

I am not into being "nice" for niceness sake. It will only get worse, as there has been limited contact with abusive partner who insists I "should" be her friend.

Thanks

Hey, iamme! Welcome to the forum. I guess all you can do is try to open your friend's eyes so they can see what their partner is really like. If you can't get through to them and you can't take this situation any more either, don't blame yourself. You can tell them that you won't tolerate this for ever. Maybe confronting the partner while your friend is present would help.

hi there,

i do blame myself and compare myself to this lady and somehow feel that I am at fault. There are a number of people that have issue with her and I really dont like her at all. I tried to get along initally but her personality put a damper on that because she lost interest because I would not comply to her demands.

I have confronted via email only, saying I am a friend. I got garbage back and then said I wanted to move forward and then have not sent another email. Her personality is not going to change, I know this, and my own friend is waiting for this in vain. My husband wants to be straightforward and tell him. I have done this and also pointed somethings out. I dont want a fake friendship with this lady - I am too experienced to know that does not work.

He knows how I feel about it. This is not jealously on my part, as I am not attracted to him, I just want to see him in a happy place in life instead of this.

I am just bitterly angry and disappointed that my friend would put up with this in life. I alos have experience in being in a similar situation and know how difficult it is to raise your self esteem and get out. After so many years this may be impossible for him.

Thanks

Maybe he can't accept the fact that a man can be abused by his wife too and that he has the right to leave. This sounds like it's very bad for him.
I guess there's only so much you can do, but you could tell him that he has nothing to feel ashamed about and that women use this hold they have on the people in their lives and make themselves seem like they couldn't hurt any one.
Then they keep the person tied to them out of guilt becouse of the thought that if he left, he'd hurt her and she's so helpless and she'd be alone. It's a lie, she knows what she's doing and she has no right. He doesn't have to protect her.