I can't even understand where cheating begins.

I watch television a lot, and talk with other people about "this person was cheating on this person" and.. well I flirt with other people even though I'm dating someone. I mean, I don't mean it...

My boundaries of cheating are if you actually have feelings for another person. Even if you ended up having lustful sex isn't cheating for me.

I'm messed up though.

I'm just confused, I want to know:

What are the normal boundaries of cheating?

Peace,
Mike

Sometimes people can't help it if they meet someone and you both click and then flirting ensues. However, you have to be very very careful on how far you will let that happen. If they are glancing your way, you have to ignore it. It isn't cheating but it does lead to an akward situation. It's just better for a guy to keep more guy friends than girls in my opinion. It may be that you are seeking female attention for a reason. Maybe you need to explore that.

Talking intimately with someone in real life, on the phone, online is cheating. It isn't a physical thing always but if your mind is there then that means the relationship you are currently in needs some working on or in most cases it needs to end.

Now, you are just dating this person. Maybe you don't really feel that strongly about them enough to not need sex from other people. Maybe you need to see it for what it really is and end the relationship, that way you aren't feeling so guilty.

One thing I do know though is that when most women have sex they become emotionally bonded with the other person. It's just chemistry. Women have hormones and are emotional. We can't help it at all either, unless we just crave it so much we don't care who we have sex with as long as we are having it. Which is true about a lot of women. They have extreme self esteem issues though. She won't care who it is as long as some hot guy is giving her attention and she's having fun. Once that wears off she runs to the next one. And guys just LOVE that kind of woman...they don't care if she has esteem issues. STD anyone?

Anyway, I'm not judging you I'm just trying to point out the cycle of these things. Sex is awsome. It's awsome and everyone loves it. Just make sure you can find someone who you can balance ALL of the aspects with, including sex. I would say though to focus on the other aspects first, be a friend before a lover. It makes the love making so much more intense.

I would say that "cheating" is 1) engaging in physical sexual relations with a person other than your partner -- either manual, oral or intercourse; and 2) engaging in deep romantic emotional or mental relations with a person other than your partner -- either online, by mail, on the phone, or in person.

Now, where an individual places the line between flirting/friendship and cheating is entirely personal. I know some people who don't consider online "cyber sex" to be cheating because they aren't emotionally connected to the other person, nor are they having physical sex with another person. However, in almost all these cases, the person's partner does feel that behavior is cheating because their partner is mentally involved in a sexual act outside their relationship... especially if they're hiding it and doing it in secret.

So maybe cheating could be any sexual/romantic behavior that you feel guilty enough about to hide that you're doing it? But in any case, cheating isn't entirely defined by what you believe, it's also defined by what your partner believes... so it's essential to discuss these sort of things with your partner so there are no misunderstandings.

Simple - dont' do anythihg that violates your code of ethics. If you're dating someone that thinks you're "cheating" because of what you do - you two aren't a good match, as long as you're fine with what you're diong.

If you're dating someone and you're not fine with what they're doing, you're not a good match - so move on.

Excalibur wrote:Simple - dont' do anythihg that violates your code of ethics. If you're dating someone that thinks you're "cheating" because of what you do - you two aren't a good match, as long as you're fine with what you're diong.

If you're dating someone and you're not fine with what they're doing, you're not a good match - so move on.

It is essential to communicate your expectations and stance on these matters with your partner. That way, you can decide whether the two of you are compatible long before anything happens to hurt either one of you. Waiting until after something happens to discuss your expectations and beliefs is just too late and too damaging.

Honestly, if you look at most relationships, you will find that both people have done at least a small amount of flirting before they really became intimate. I know I have done it... When you aren't in a very serious relationship, it is common and easy to do casual flirting. I don't consider this cheating in any way. I think cheating is when you either when you date the other person, kiss them, have sex etc.
Sometimes it just so happens that you fall for someone while dating someone else...you really can't help this. I was in a situation like that. I had a boyfriend but I met someone and started falling for him. I didn't know what to do because I knew the other man was interested in me. He was asking if I was dating anyone etc etc. I couldn't lie to him and say I'm not interested, because I was! But I felt bad for my boyfriend. I really liked the other guy more...and I took some time to think it over. I decided that if the other guy really would date me, I'd break up with my boyfriend. But it turned out the other guy was just playing games with me and he totally broke my heart.

It is tricky when something like that happens. For me, I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I felt bad that I liked someone else better than the guy I was dating...But how could have I controlled who I liked? Sometimes you just can't help but like other people while dating someone. If this happens, you know that the person you are dating isn't right for you - otherwise you would not want anyone but that person!

I believe this: If it is just a casual, fun relationship then flirting is fine. Liking other people is fine too. But when you get serious, then you should be devoted to that person, especially if you want them as a spouse.

>What are the normal boundaries of cheating?

there is no normal boundaries on cheating. The main point for me is that your boundaries and your partner's should match. Both of you need to talk on the same language and define the cheating. It is better to define it before getting involved very deep into relationships.

If you both can not come to common boundaries than I am sorry to say this but your relationship will break some day. OR one of you needs to give up and adjust for stricter or broader boundaries. Yes, and keep in mind, that broader boundaries would mean that not only you but your partner as well will live by them.

To hell with traditions -

If you are Husband A/Wife A, your spouse could cheat on you if he/she has sexual and lustful relationships with another (as would with you).

If you are Wife B/Husband B, your spouse could be considered a cheater if they say wear white and black out in a sunny day (as they could be cheating on you with the atmosphere).

It is all in the psyche and where you allow it. 2 lovers can have open sex and love companions with everyone (just as they would each other), yet they could wear a certain kind of bracelet or dress, or say a certain word in a certain relationship with another - and that could be cheating.

We ultimately create our own boundaries, rather than sticking to any pre-meditated boundaries set by our society with its own morals.

If your lover agrees, and you agree, that making love to anyone else is not cheating - then that's the bottom line (it is NOT cheating), and it doesn't matter what tradition says. Tradition is a stuck up thing anyway, someone created it and it stayed influencing people and putting fear in their minds to conform to it.

Be free, be happy, and if you're happy together then so be it. There is power in everything as long as you give it power (as we live in a Casual world of symbols). The word "slut" could mean a compliment to me whereas it would be an insult to my "twin" (had I one).


~Acausal

Thoughts from a human mind is very hard to control in most cases. Cheating is just like cheating on a test, simple as that! If you really like/love the person your with, you wouldn't even bother giving another person the right to conflict. I'm not sure what they have down in the dictionary or in the encyclopedia, but you need to have responsibilities, and a good understanding of why you're with the person you are today and why would you even flirt with someone else behind that persons back.

I don't think cheating exists, or should exist...
if i may... you don't belong to anyone and they don't belong to you...
except when you get married and their are papers involved and whatnot but still that isn't really ownership.
when law comes into the area of love it kills it immediatly... that's why married people become so unhappy and "cheating happens"
it's like hey, i want to become a enslave to this person and vise versa so that i know that he/she will be there tomorrow and the next day, etc...
yes, who knows where cheating begins, i think it begins when you create a relationship, as soon as you say "we're together, bf/gf". BAM, right there, as soon as you think or want another or whatever, it's cheating,
and it's so stupid...