Is there a "girlfriend handbook" out there?

Apparently I am not the right kind of girlfriend. My bf is concerned because I don't and have never asked those pesky "girlfriend'' questions like "what if I got pregnant" or "do you think she's hot"

Is there a problem with that? so what I don't ask questions, I think if he's so concerned with those things he should ask me, but I really don't care or I don't give those kinds of things much thought.

I thought and thought for ages about what to "ask" him after he brought it up, but nothing comes to mind. He says I don't do the thing normal girlfriends do (eg drag him to the mall [I hate crowds so I don't go], make him watch girly movies, bitch at him, pry.) DEAR GOD i am sorry I don't do those annoying things! God if I did those things I would get on my own nerves.

I feel like nothing I do is good enough for him. he hasn't said that, but god he has such high expectations for everything......I have only made him dinner a couple of times b/c I am afraid that nothing I cook (I only learned how to make general stuff--meat and potatoes and chicken dumplings) will not be good enough. We can go to the nicest restaraunt and have the most delicious dinner and still he says something like "eh...not bad..but not the best"

I don't know. maybe it's because I lived in goodwill clothes and hand me downs until I was 13, or maybe because my family always had to have a garden to get a good amount of veggies and gather berries to afford those things. Maybe it's because my father's house is crap (which I am terrified to let my bf ever see--but I love my dad so much..he has worked so hard for us girls)

Maybe I'm too modest and accepting. I don't know.

I apologize for not being the generic girlfriend he wants. I don't know what to do.

Hi, maymariah! It's a bit strange that your boyfriend wishes you were annoying, isn't it.
You can't help it if you weren't rich growing up. You don't have to cook for him. If he doesn't like that food, he can learn how to cook for himself. If you did "normal girlfriend" stuff, he'd probably be complaining about that too.

maymariah - it sounds like your BF is hypercritical, judgmental and controlling. If you get the feeling, from his behaviors, that nothing you ever do is right... he's the one with the problem, not you. I certainly don't think there is anything wrong with you not being a flightly, materialistic, invasive kind of GF... and he should be counting his blessings. The fact that he's bitching at you for not being a bitch that he can bitch about is totally indicative of an underlying problem. Do you know anything about his relationship with his family, particularly his mom? If he learned this behavior at home, he's likely to continue it unless you bring it up and until he decides it's a real problem and he needs therapy.

If this really is the case, then I can't say your prospects look particularly good. Hypercritical, judgmental and controlling people rarely admit their behavior is a problem and seek counseling. It's not unheard of, just not likely... especially if you can't convince him that his behavior is abusive (yes ABUSIVE) to you. If he's not willing to work on his behaviors, you might just have to end the relationship to sop the abuse before you lose any (more) self esteem.

well he really isn't controlling...it's just one of those things that I don't understand about men. I guess he came into the relationship with expectations that didn't occur and he is a bit confused by it, but our miscommunication and misunderstanding is, I am afraid, going to hurt us.

oh, and he cooks, reeeeally good.

I just don't know what questions to ask. I don't know how to have a relationship.

You shouldn't have to change It's you he wanted a relationship with. Ask him how his day went when you see him. Maybe he needs some attention.