I don't know what to do anymore

Hi,

I'm a 28 year old female. At the end of last year I started my first real relationship with a guy who just happened to be a coworker of mine. He broke up with me in April because his mom was (and still is) suicidal and in and out of the hospital. He said he gets really stressed out about everything and didn't want to treat me badly (he gets in really bad moods under stress and doesn't wanna deal with anything), so he broke up with me.

It is now December and I still feel just as strongly about him as I did when we were together. I miss him so much. When we broke up we kind of let it as "we'll see what happens in the future", and I've been hanging onto that this whole year, yet nothing has happened again between us.

I know if I didn't work with him and didn't have to see him, I would be doing SO much better right now and would probably be over him, but I'm not even remotely close to being over him and it's been months since we broke up. It amazes me sometimes how much I still miss him. He knows how I still feel about him and last time we discussed it (which was a couple of months ago), he was unsure about whether he was going to stay in Florida or move back home to be with his family and therefore said he couldn't see himself being in a relationship with anyone at this point.

I keep waiting for the hurt to go away and it just doesn't. It doesn't even get any better at all. I am now working on trying to get transferred to a different office so that we don't work together anymore, because I feel like it's the best thing I can do for myself. At the same time though, I'm scared because I know we probably won't ever see each other again if I do that.

I forgot to mention too that there is a 21 year old girl we work with that I know likes him, which is yet another thing I don't need to deal with. I would HOPE he wouldn't date someone that I have to work with and talk to, but who's to say he wouldn't. I have constant anxiety at work because of this girl to the point that I have actually thrown up. I've lost about 10 pounds also because I haven't been eating well due to all the stress.

I don't know what to do anymore. It seems no matter what I do I just can't get over him. It's also especially hard now that it's the holidays, because this is when we started getting close last year.

One final note...I just want to say that I am not suicidal or anything like that. I *do* think I am depressed though. I just have this overwhelming sadness every single day that does not go away. I honestly cannot remember what it felt like to be happy.

God bless you if you're still reading this lol

Thoughts, comments, suggestions? I have not been to a doctor yet because I really don't want to have to go on any pills, but I'm starting to think I might have to.

I'm having the same problem, even though I never see her anymore (my depression became twice as severe when we broke up.) Even if you no longer see the person in question, you don't always get over it quickly.

It would work for me if we could stay friends, though I'm not sure if it would in your case. Perhaps what you need is not necessarily his love, just love in general. I'd think that if you had more friends, or better friends, you'd no longer have to feel you "need" him.

Jay Dubb wrote:You'd best live and learn from this; there's a reason why it's not a good idea to date co-workers.
Keep your professional and personal life separate in the future, is my humble suggestion.
I would reach out to someone about this who might be able to help; if you trust a boss about this, they might be able to help transfer you out of that office. I would explain to them that you did something you regret: getting involved with a co-worker.
I myself would find it very difficult to deal with what you're going through.
Relationships have lots of residue even when we don't have to see that person afterwards.
You need some closure on this and to move on.
Pills might solve something short term but in the long run they'll just cloud you over and mess up other things with their side effects. You're looking to mask your symptoms, understandably.
What I'm hearing at the core of your being is alienation from community of all sorts. You don't feel like being at work, your lover dumped you for wimpy reasons and you have reason to be hurt and angry.
You have a right to your anger... don't supress it, nor try to let it all out at once. It'll trample you if you do and render you useless, I wouldn't be surprised.
Also, in the long term, I find, we can also get self-indulgent with our emotions and get into a venting rut, on the flip side of that same coin.
You'd best try to get a stress leave, spend time connecting with good, old friends, but don't dump on them. Ask them first if they wouldn't mind you telling them about your troubles or you might scare off some good friends. If you're close, they likely won't mind you telling them your blues, they might be of solace.
Also, remember to focus on something that you love doing that nurtures you and also gives to others.... an interesting hobby you can talk about with others, volunteer at a food cupboard for the poor, etc, etc... Doing things that solve problems other than our own help us to forget our own problems.
If you have a problem, you have a few choices: think about it and let it eat at you, work at solving it (proactive choices), or ignore it and it might go away.
Don't let this situation get out of hand. There's more fish in the sea and you just need to start dating people outside your work.
We are built of tough stuff us humans. You deserve a nice life away from the grief of this past hurt. We do get over things, it's in us. Believe me.
J.Dubb

Hindsight is always 20/20. I would never again consider dating a coworker, but you know how it is....at the time I thought we would be together forever and all that good stuff. I'm just really hoping this transfer thing comes through for me because I absolutely cannot take having to work a)with him, and b)with someone that likes him. As much as I'm scared that if I leave I won't see him ever again, I know that's the only way I'm ever gonna get over this.

Thank you so much for the response, and I agree with you about pills. I'm thankful that I'm NOT suicidal or I probably would have gone to a doctor and gotten something. However, I just try my best to deal with it and don't take anything.

Oblomov wrote:I'm having the same problem, even though I never see her anymore (my depression became twice as severe when we broke up.) Even if you no longer see the person in question, you don't always get over it quickly.

It would work for me if we could stay friends, though I'm not sure if it would in your case. Perhaps what you need is not necessarily his love, just love in general. I'd think that if you had more friends, or better friends, you'd no longer have to feel you "need" him.

I am sorry you're in the same situation. I thought staying friends with him would be okay, and maybe if I didn't work with him it would be. But the way it is right now is not good.

You hit the nail on the head though with what you said about love. Like I said, I'm 28 and that was my first REAL relationship. I've never been one of those girls that has boyfriend after boyfriend, and I really really fear that I will never find anybody else that wants me.

Jay Dubb - I try not to think about not getting into another relationship, but sometimes I just can't help it. It's just so hard when I still feel like he's the person I'm supposed to be with. He means so much to me and it's hard to believe I'll ever find anyone else that I feel the same way about

BlackBeltJo - the worst thing I could have done was to get involved with him in the first place since we work together. I honestly don't know how I've even managed to still work with him for this long. It's just constant torture. Plus I keep hanging on to the "maybe one day we'll get back together" thing. If I hadn't seen him in all this time, I'd probably be over it by now.

Thank you both for responding