Confused..

I'm 32 and my partner is 32. We have been together 8 years this time round and 4 years from 17-21. We have 2 children together 8 year old boy and 6 year old girl.
I'm not sure what our relationship even is anymore.. I don't know if it can be classified as a relationship.
We both work, he works 6 days one week and 5 the next. Each day I wake up get the kids ready for school and he will stay in bed till 8am until he has to get up for work then just gets himself ready with no involvement with me or the kids. (I wouldn't have a problem with this BTW if this was the only thing)
Every day he comes home from work at just gone 5pm he comes in goes straight upstairs to in his words 'vape' he then proceeds to stay up there until I call him down for dinner. So again no interaction with me or the children. Then after dinner he goes straight back upstairs and stays up there until I get the kids ready for bed. In which case he just lies on the bed whilst I bathe them and get them ready for bed. Every day unless it's a day I'm at work and he's off this happens. We have to work alternate days to reduce childcare so I work one weekend he's off then vice versa.
Hes not interested in holding a conversation with any of us or spending time with any of us as in his words he's tired every single day. Once the kids go down there is no time together he proceeds to stay upstairs and I'm downstairs or opposite way round.
Next problem, there as you might of guessed it, no intimacy whatsoever. No cuddles on sofa, no kissing no sexual relationship whatsoever. He's not interested one bit. If I try and start something he always says he's tired. I've tried to say to him about this and that I feel like he's no longer attracted to me and his answer is its nothing to do with me he's tired and that at our age its not something to be interested in anymore. We are early 30s fgs! Like I say even having a cuddle he finds uncomfortable and can't wait to pull away each time I have tried.
He refuses to spend anytime with anybody other than us. If any family or friends come round he stays upstairs in the bedroom. He refuses to come out anywhere with us if anybody else is there. He has no social life whatsoever even with me and him. Which is tbh a problem in itself as no one hardly has our children for us 2 to do something. I'm a social able person and see friends and family which he then complains about that I go out too much or I'm staying out too late with the children if I come home at 8pm. Which I feel is because he's not seeing us but for one, he is invited and chooses not too and two, why would we want to be at home all the time when he ignores us and is always miserable?
Ive spoke to him about how it upsets me that he is so ignorant towards my family and friends and his response to that is they haven't come to see me. Its embarrassing that he acts in this way and looks so rude towards people!
Im at my wits end. I love him and we have 2 beautiful children together and have spent a long time together but he's not willing to put in any effort and I can't live my life like this. It feels like I'm living with a teenager who spends his life in his room. I want to feel loved and that I have a partner in life but I feel like I have a separate life as he doesn't want to do things with me and the kids. It sounds awful but the kids moan when it's his turn to have them whilst I work cos he's boring, he doesn't want to do anything he doesn't let them have any friends round and is miserable.
Any advice will be much appreciated!

As I read your post I thought, "has she had a sit down with him and talked" but it seems you have done that already. What if you make plans to take the family out for the day? Will he flat-out refuse to go?

It sounds like he is suffering some depression and has got himself into a trap. Sadly, a close family member of mine is in the exact same situation. It's a pressure cooker and I have a feeling she is going pitch her husband an ultimatum.

Does he recognize you are at wits end? Would he agree to couples therapy? This is hard to endure at any age but you are young with so much life ahead of you - and your children deserve better.

Thankyou for your reply.
Yes I have tried to speak to him numerous times and told him I'm unhappy and cannot live my life this way and I feel unloved. This always gets turned round back on me as he saays its all me isn't it and not you. Then he doesn't want to talk and walks away from me.
If we plan days out with the kids he will come to that if it's just the 4 of us and we went on holiday in May for a week and it was lovely apart from when obviously I spoke to people and he made things awkward as he didn't want to speak to anyone else.
I feel like he might be depressed too but I've raised this with him also and said to get some help but he flat out refuses that he has depression and proceeds to tell me all of this is normal.
Alongside to this it's the feeling of not being treated as a partner but a mother. If he has a day off he will do nothing and then tell me the very next day if I have a day off that I need to get him juice for his vape, shopping that needs getting, gas and electric putting on. All whilst he's been off the whole day before. It gets on top of me as I work too. I say this to him and his response is what shift do you do. As I work sometimes 9-2/3 but he fails to recognise that I sort the kids everyday for school whilst he doesn't help in anyway. Then when I finish work I pick the kids up get home do dinner bathe the kids then have pots to do and ironing and tidying up, all whilst he lies in bed. He makes me feel like my job isn't as important as his and that I'm inadequate is I work sometimes smaller shifts. (Btw still average 25 a week)
I'm starting to resent him. If he has depression obviously that's a valid reason for the behaviour but if he's not willing to help himself why should me and my children have to put up with this?

Yes, depression may be an explanation but it is not an excuse for the way he is treating you and the family. You all deserve a better life. It’s sad and infuriating that he doesn’t understand how this will affect the development of his children, not to mention what it does to you.

Have you thought about seeing a therapist? I’m not saying this because I think there is something wrong with you but it can really help to sort things out and maybe get some tips on what to do. There are plenty of therapists that focus on relationships. Also, if you are forced to make a tough decision, it will help to have someone in your corner, so you don’t feel alone.

And to that point, do you have family and friends that you can talk to?