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I don't want to live with my stepdad

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I don't want to live with my stepdad

Postby Kaleb28 » Thu Apr 28, 2022 10:20 pm

This all started when my mother was caught cheating on my stepdad with at least two minors both of which where my sister's friends. She has since then been diagnosed with bipolar disorder so she's working through both that and the law currently. As a result of all this my stepdad and sister are both going to have to move, but my stepdad wants to move out of state. I personally don't want to I have family here that I don't want to leave and my biological dad has offered to take me in. This is where my problem lies my bio-dad isn't as financially capable as my stepdad so my step dad is using this as a way of convincing me to go with them. I graduate highschool in a month so from here in out I need to decide what I need to do with my life the problem is money both my dad and stepdad have offered to pay for my schooling. My mom and stepdad have this misconception that I would have to fend for myself if I stayed here which is wrong my dad and family have said that they would help me with schooling and that I could still fly and visit them whenever I want, but it's not the same as staying close by. I've never been close with my stepdad, he has a short temper and he can over-parent and be controlling to the point where he told my mother (an adult woman in here mid 30's) six months ago to go to a restaurant instead of a bar because it's "ghetto". He told me yesterday when talking about moving that "I feel like I've raised you 99% of your life and I feel like I messed up"(in response to my hesitancy to move) Anyway the reason I'm saying all these things is because I want to paint a picture. I want to stay here at home but I also want to be objective about it but I have a bias against him because of what I've mentioned above. I'm just afraid that my want to stay here is for the wrong reasons and that I'm going to regret staying here. I've been going back and forth, I told my therapist this morning about this and she said your an adult and when I mentioned and you can make your own decisions I also mentioned the comment about feeling like he messed up while rasing me and she said that it comes off as manipulative. Like I said I have a bias against him so I'm afraid I'm not showing all sides.


Anyway sorry for the wall of text. I can elaborate on this more if any questions are asked. Trust me there's more I can tell but I don't want to overwhelm anybody
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Re: I don't want to live with my stepdad

Postby Kaleb28 » Thu Apr 28, 2022 10:55 pm

And I think I should have stated, that I'm unsure if I'm being ungrateful, spoiled, or if I'm justified with my desires
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Re: I don't want to live with my stepdad

Postby Otter » Sun May 08, 2022 11:37 pm

In theory, as an adult, your life should start becoming independent of family, whether it's your birth parents or "steps". But I realize it isn't that simple, and that you're seeing a therapist, I assume there are issues beyond "practical decisions" that are in play.

Are you able to function on your own, meaning attending University full-time and having a part-time job? I ask because when we are involved in a full-time life we are less likely to be emotionally connected to family, if only because we are so busy. Emotional ties tend to pivot to friends and school mates and co-workers. This is how we grow in normal circumstances.

Being an adult, life tends to be more fluid and you can make decisions without consulting others. I say this because you should free yourself of the idea that making one decision or another could doom you if you regret the move. You can always change your circumstances.
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