My heart is being mean

So... I think I have a crush on my boyfriends friend.

He just got out of a long term relationship and he is not taking it well so we are spending a lot of time there and all three of us have been using substances and everytime we get drunk he will say things that kind of just slip out and I get that it can happen when you are lonely and intoxicated but we have been talking quite a bit, have quite a lot in common and both of us are going through a lot.

Anyhow last night we went to his house and took mushrooms and went for a walk by the sea at night and it was the happiest I felt in a long time. We ended up passing out on his bed and he ended up spooning me.

My boyfriend didn't think it crossed a boundary but I think I might have a slight crush on him now which is not healthy. At all.

I would never cheat on my boyfriend but it has made me question a lot about our relationship because I think it's the fact that the friend shows a lot more care towards me than what I am getting from my partner and I'm wondering if I've made a mistake being with someone who from the start has shown the emotional care of a stale pancake.

All of this is making me feel bleak. Just had to get that out because I would never tell this to anyone I know in real life.

Stoopid pisces.

Well I don't reckon I have to point out that things that reduce inhibition can get two people in situations really fast.

In questioning how this man shows more care than does your b/f, does this also hold true when you're together but no one is high/intoxicated?

I also want to gently point out that people tend to behave differently when they are " in attraction " to someone and what you see in the beginning is not always what you get once that phase winds down and time passes .

Lol , Pisces are not stoopid .

They go with the flow . It's just that sometimes they go without thinking about where that flow is heading to . Could be the Pacific , could be Niagara .

Aries are pretty stoopid.

NewSunRising wrote:I also want to gently point out that people tend to behave differently when they are " in attraction " to someone and what you see in the beginning is not always what you get once that phase winds down and time passes .

That is quite true. This Aries can get hit with infatuation at the drop of a hat, and it's on like Donkey Kong.

I think I figured out that its just that this new friend was just showing me sides of a relationship potential that I dont currently have.

My current partner does not share the same visions of the future as I do and it's difficult to speak to him about it because he always goes on the defense. We had a walk at night yesterday and I explained once again what exactly I've wanted out of a relationship and that I have been straightforward since the start about it and I dont like his attitude towards relationships and women.

I hope things will improve but this is my last conversation about it. He calls me putting my foot down as blackmail but blackmail is not saying you are not happy. So it's up to him, if I see no change the strings must be cut.

As for the friend - he has been acting inappropriately considering he is my partners friend. He keeps asking why I'm with him, he brings up cheating, he keeps telling me I can come over whenever I feel like and is always trying to be in physical contact with me.

That fleeting feeling of attraction to him is gone now and I have declined to give him my number.

He is a pisces - not me - and (these are my beliefs) they tend to swoon over anyone who shows them care but also can be toxic which he already is being. My partner is always unaware when people are crossing boundaries - he might take note that they find me attractive but he minds more about guys messaging me on facebook than actual more concerning lack of respect of boundaries.

My partner still wants to hang with him but I think I'm going to keep my distance for a while whilst my partner and I determine if we should stay together and the friend isn't in rebound crisis mode.

I'm focusing on my own things at the moment again and I need to not jump someone else's train if I am unhappy.

Also, I'm a Scorpio. Had a crush on an aries once but I was in a relationship at the time (we were actually breaking up that week) and despite mentioning it many a time he never picked up on it and I ended up hurting him after he brought flowers to my birthday. So Scorpios are jerks too.

Pisces is also a bit of an inside joke as I tend to mainly date them or start things with them and I mess it up big time.

IDeerInHeadlightsI wrote:despite mentioning it many a time he never picked up on it

Sometimes it's just easier to hit me with a club and drag me off, for me to pick up on it.

Not so sound clinical- but glad you've cooled and stepped back a bit- when I crush, I can crush hard and I think only age has taught me to enjoy infatuation for what it is, but not take myself seriously, because I know it's just a infatuation and it will pass. I enjoy the warm fuzzies but aren't willing to you know, wreck an existing relationship. Although yes it sounds as if you're both not on the same page, and I don't think things like that get any better by trying to stick it out, when the differences are too big. You learn to live with the differences, but that don't mean you like them.

So... I ducked up.

Did you now? What happened?

I've had some pretty stressful news that I need to move out and I've lost my job - waiting tomorrow to see if I was successful in getting the job but I am very screwed if I don't.

Went house hunting yesterday with my partner for a rental and there is the most perfect place with a little garden that can be done up and it can be furnished and done up pretty nicely.

Afterwards, we went out with one of my partners band mates and I found out he bought x while I was viewing one place. Not happy about wasting money but he bought it already, so I took two as did he.

We got back home and decided to go visit the friend I was talking about before and we all took a lot of Ritz, alcohol and the friend and I took opium.

Then things started to get a lot weirder. We were chilling on his couch and I was in the middle and he put a blanket over us and ended up holding my leg. The friend sort of asked if it was okay to touch my legs and my partner was like sure - no worries.

It gets weirder - so only his friend and I smoke and we were on the balcony and we had more of an in depth talk about stuff. He ended up kissing me on the head a couple of times and I was in his arms.

Honestly - I dont remember how it got to this point. But it ended up in this weird ass threesome. Super awkward.

I ended it because it was super weird for all of us but things did happen including intercourse with the friend.

We tried to talk about things - the friend and I - like how it would be better with us alone but that would be cheating (although this already felt like cheating). He also mentioned that some feelings had been holding him back but he thinks it will be better today and then added me on Facebook (my partner is not friends with him on facebook).

My feelings are confused in this whole situation. He had just been through a rough breakup and I am in a relationship with someone who is a really good friend of his and whom I still love but I definitely do not just have sexual feelings for this friend and the most correct thing would have this weird thing be a one time event and for him to move on now that he has technically rebounded with me but at the same time it would really hurt if that's all that was but if that isn't all that was to him, this is just going to get more and more messed up. A friendship and relationships could be ruined.

And the friend in a way mirrors everything I dont get from my partner..

I'm on the verge of a mental break. Even though technically everything was agreed to by all parties it still felt like cheating.

Well, it may cause problems down the road, but it wasn't cheating, merely swinging. It was, however, what I expected when you got to 'we took this, that, and the other thing'. Haven't done no hard drugs but it don't take too many inhibition-reducing substances for my clothes to fall off in the right setting with interested parties, and if my partner were game, yeah I'd swing. So this outcome is exactly what I expected, the moment drugs and booze was mentioned.

If you don't want this to continue I strongly suggest you stay stone cold sober when you're around him, and if he and your partner want to get high, I'd arrange to be somewhere else. Otherwise this has happened once, it'll happen again. Someone's feelings might eventually get hurt.. if you're truly dissatisfied with your partner, best to separate without it being part of some kinda blow up.

On the other hand, maybe your partner doesn't care, I don't know. I'm not in an open relationship but it wouldn't probably bother me very much if I was, so long as it's understood if one person can do what they want, well, the other person has that right, also.