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Should I distance myself?

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Should I distance myself?

Postby Brodol » Wed Jul 14, 2021 10:05 pm

I'm afraid of my own thoughts and the possibility of me acting them out. Yesterday I had this thought about a crush...and the thought was very manipulative and toxic. That scared me. The thought was that maybe if I help motivate him find a career my parents would like him. I actually considered it too. What is wrong with me?! Motivating a guy to get a career for the sole purpose to get my parents to like a guy I'm not even dating???? If it was just a thought, I can handle the fear. But, the fact I considered it and didn't realize it was wrong til later that day is scaring me. What others thoughts or even actions have I been making that were/are toxic and manipulative?? If I considered this type of thought once, will I end up acting out on it one day? I noticed it this time, but what if I won't realize the next ones. I don't want to hurt those around me. Am I toxic and manipulative? Is it better for me to just distance myself from everyone? What is wrong with me?
Last edited by Snaga on Wed Jul 14, 2021 10:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Moved to Relationships, no edits
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Re: Should I distance myself?

Postby Snaga » Wed Jul 14, 2021 10:37 pm

You have a crush, therefore it seems pretty natural to me that your mind would wander to ways of making him appeal to family. Would it be manipulative? I suppose it depends on your definition of the word. You do realise that it takes two to tango- first, he has to like you back; then he has to be amenable to your maneuvering.

I think you're reading too much into this, unless you actually set about it. And to a certain extent aren't we all a little manipulative? Sayings such as 'chase him 'till he catches you', and things like that? And, if you're female, the saying 'behind every great man is a woman'... I would append to that 'shoving him forward'. I do things to keep my partner happy, that I wouldn't do for myself, that's for sure. It's just part of it.

And ultimately, don't people manipulate a little, when it comes to love? All is fair, in Love and War. Women want to look their best- smart men do, too- but a man also wants to play up his good points, whatever they are. We preen and pose at each other in a bid to appear attractive to the objects of our desire.

Unless you're finding yourself consistently Machiavellian, I shouldn't worry too much unless I was called out on something. Which I have been, before- not in the context of romantic relationships, but still. And then it caused me to have some introspection. But until then... you're just thinking thoughts.

I would suggest (with more than a few grains of salt) some self-administered personality tests- if I thought you were not so upset with yourself that you'd skew the results through self-deprecation. Perhaps when you're feeling calmer about this. If you are truly wondering if you're like, extra-manipulative, or something. Remembering that some amount is going to be normal and endemic to being Human.
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