Afraid ...

Ive been in a different relationship, and most of my relationship stays longer than 7 months but not more than a year. my recent brreakup was 2 years ago, and since that im afraid to get involved in a relationship. i have many male friends but the relationship always stays as friends. some of them wants to court me, but when i feel that they are going to i start to freak out and eventually end up not wanting to see them or talk to them, even if how much i like them. this past few days, this guy that i met 2 years ago came around and i started to get sweaty and nervous whenever he calls or send sms, but theres no butterfly in my stomach just like a teenager girl or someone who is inlove... for me i feel like i want to push him away again the way i did to him and the other guys. but sometimes i also want him around. but when his around i get mad... i dont know i feel like im crazy...

Hi, knowledgecraze. I think I know a little bit about how you feel. I too feel the need to push those who might want me away. But I have come to realise that it's better to be alone than with someone who you don't really want around. For me, the attention and knowing that someone wants me feels really nice, so, sometimes, I may want that person around only becouse of that. I know this is very confusing. But I think that an important part of a relationship is that spark and those butterflies in your stomach. It's true that the way you treat eachother, with respect and consideration, might be more important, but if there's no passion, it's not worth it. So, maybe you just don't feel atracted to these guys, not enough to stop being afraid. Maybe you don't want them around becouse they want you and you feel like you are not worth it. It's becouse of low self esteem and that happens to me too. I think that you might be better off alone and trying to work through your problems. Like trying to realise if you do push guys away becouse you feel unworthy of love. Maybe you don't want to be with them becouse you can't share your feelings. Being with someone who you can talk to and know that they will understand and care about how you feel and share their own emotions is very important too. I think it's better to be alone than with someone that you don't feel very atracted to or you don't have a deep emotional conection with. Don't keep someone around becouse you're afraid of being alone or becouse you think you can't get something better. I hope you can make sense of this situation you are in. Good luck!