Frustrated - Does anybody have any chill pills

Hi and this is my first post so please be gentle.

I came looking for answers to frustrations I have with my partner's behaviour but are big enough to accept that the problem might actually be with me, so tell it like it is.

I find certain behaviours annoying with my partner and although I have mentioned that these are annoying me, I find these talks are falling on deaf ears. I'm sure that all new relationships are about understanding and acceptance of change but I think these behaviours are a little strange. (strange enough for me to try and find answers)

Strange Behaviour 1- Not closing doors mainly cupboard, pantry and wardrobe doors. Not really external or internal doors. To me it would seem right to get something out then close the door when you are finished. It would also prevent people from walking into them.

Strange Behaviour 2 - Not putting things back in the same place that they were taken from. A typical example is things in the fridge. I find myself searching for everyday items that appear in all different spots in the fridge. It's like she doesn't remember or care where she gets it from. Strangely enough even things from the pantry appear in the fridge on occassions.

Anyway as I said these might be my own mild obsesive disorders, but I have not seen this sort of behaviour in any of my other partners or friends.

Can anyone relate?

Oh yes, I can relate..

Started out small, like not being able to put the cap back on anything. Leaving things out after use (scissors etc). Clothes everywhere, toiletpaper lying next to the sink, never putting it on the holder.. I could go on and on.

Getting to be a problem when she never could change anything about these matters, and on top of it all expect me to change my quirks instantly! Had our share of rows over open doors etc

When you keep adding to the list you eventually explode over something small. Been there, done that I can ensure you.

5 years later we are now broken up, still live together but with an uncertain future.

My advice to you is let her now, in the kindest manner possible that this things really bug you and that could she please change her ways in this matters. Agree upon that you are allowed to remind here when she does what you describe, but be caring when doing so.

Its all about your approach.

If all fails, live with it. After all, you live together and can not expect each other to be perfect. Live and let live. I am sure you have your small little imperfections that annoy her to

Thanks Camelfarm, I appreciate your feedback.

Hopefully, things aren't terminal as yet but overtime it seems to be getting worse and as you say the smallest things can sometimes be a sticking point. I never really lived in share houses so I thought I was just getting used to it. That self denial period is now over and I doubt I will ever get used to it.

I might try to discuss it again, but I need to tread lightly.

Tread lightly... thats a red light in my book already there.

You sound afraid of discussing the matte, and that means to me it has gone too far.

A partnership should consist of two people not afraid of communicating with one another.

I would, if I loved here, be 100 % loving and caring, cuddle her, kiss her and create a environment of total love and then tell here you a really bothered by her quirks, and that it is becoming a real problem for you. Ask her if she please could oblige you and that its about you, but if she could not see if she could change her behavior in these areas for you. Because you love her so much, and do not want little things like this to get between you.

My nick, camelfarm, derives of the saying "swallow a camel". I have in the past tended to not confront my ex/gf, rather I have tried to ignore them. Belive me when I say this has not worked out for me/us. The became small bombs, all ready to explode on a bad day.