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Fear of intimacy

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Fear of intimacy

Postby jcl76 » Thu Apr 16, 2020 6:15 pm

Has anyone ever been confused whether someone fears intimacy or not that into you?

I am reading into my past relationship with my GF of 5 months. 

We are both in our early 40s. She was married to a narcissist for 12 years and in a 6 year relationship where they spent very little time together and he cheated on her. This is coupled with an abusive mother and father. She admits she fears commitment long term and doesnt want to go through a divorce again to marriage scares her. 

We had great times together and traveled, had great sex, and created great memories. She always made little subtle jokes about getting a "family membership" at the gym together, or moving in together when my lease is up. . She said we will consider options when the time came. She mentioned that a couple should live together for a year at least before even considering marriage. She mentioned going into real estate together so she thought long term it seemed.

Apparently our split was VERY hard on her. SO....... she fits all the signs of fear of intimacy. When things were great it was followed up a wall and distancing. She was open and we had LONG talks about our past but it seemed like it was more aimed at me and not herself. She told me I over analyzed everything, but it was because the roller coaster of hot and cold were confusing.

Now on the flip side. We had some differences, and there were some apprehensions on both our part but we did adore one another. It almost seemed like some were trivial and just looking for little things to find a reason that we didnt seem like a forever couple. 

Was childhood and relationship traumas the main reason or just not that into me overall or a combo?
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