What am I ?

what am I?


I am so very sweet, I have enough charm to make a snake dance. I am quite good

looking and get hit on all the time by the ladies. I suffer from depression and

am into alcohol and drugs. I am in my mid 40's. I have no real friends because I

think they are onto me and I really don't want to get that close to them. I act

like a buddy to them, get their phone numbers but never call them.

I am basically a social drinker and love drinking in the bars and mingle with

other drunks even if they are strangers. I can spend hours there at any given day.

I also brag about myself and make others think I am quite special and talented. I

also will go above and beyond to impress anyone especially the ladies and my work

superiors. I also love to rub elbows with the big wigs. Heck, I feel I am on the

same level as them (even though I'm really not). Oh need I mention that I am also

a womanizer. I love to flirt! I also look for easy passive people so I can get

what I want from them and i mean anything for my gain. If they are not responsive

to me I drop them quickly.

My mother is of great support to me and shells out tons of money to me and bails

me out of any situation I may impulsively get myself into. Heck, even when I am a

bad boy mom treats me with nice expensive gifts. I consider her my greatest

enabler! I love my mom she is of such great support. One night though, I was

suppose to pick her up at the airport and I ended up wandering whats down this

certain street and whoa! lo and behold there are drug dealers down there, so I

wound up doing some drug of my choice and forgot all about my wonderful mom for

days. She was so frightened and didn't know where I was. She ended up calling my

sister (another one of my enablers) to pick her up and my sister had to drive 3

hrs. to get her. I ended up O.D.ing that time ( obviously I survived) and it took

my mom months of not talking to me but she is over it now and still buys me these

wonderful gifts. What a special mom. Don't get me wrong, I felt very bad about it

and I couldn't face her or talk to her I was so full of shame after I was done

with my binge. She knows about my drug problem.

During one of my manic episodes I talked my mom into helping me buy a new

vehicle, then a few months later I loaned it to a drug dealer for my drug and he

wrecked it badly. Then months later after It was repaired I gave it back to the

bank because I really couldn't afford the payments.

I am also married to a wonderful woman. She is a passive person so I thought. I

fell deeply in love with her and rushed in to marry her.I always told her how I

never ever want to lose her. I knew she was the one for me. While we were dating

and throughout our marriage of 2 yrs. I did my binge thing several times and was

gone for days and she couldn't get ahold of me and I never called her either until

I was done. I put us into debt several times. Yeah she'd get pretty digusted with

me but I always had a way to make it up to her and sweet talk her and she'd give

me another chance. I also drank alot while married to her. I was always a drinker

but somehow I ended up drinking quite alot. My wife would get so mad at me and

threaten with divorce. I wouldn't care I drank as I wished, no one was gonna get

between me and my booze. Well, I ended up on a afternoon shift for a while and my

wife was working days with alot of overtime and I took full advantage of that

opportunity! Ah! now I can hop over to the bar after work and stay until closing.

She would be sleeping and she won't know the difference. I did this for atleast a

couple of months. I'll just tell her I had to work overtime. Most of the time she

would wake up when I got home and she would question me but I just blew her off. I

was having my fun and no one, even her was gonna stop me! Then I started to spend

all my time by myself without her. I would take off and leave her at the house

just so I could be by myself even on weekends. I would be out for hours and shut

off my cellphone. She never knew when I'd be home.

She finally got fed up with my evil ways and did file for divorce. I moved out

into my own place and am having a pretty hard time because I drink all my money up

and I am lousy with finances. I just don't care about responsibilities. I would

rather not think about paying bills and focus on drinking.

I would call my wife and tell her I miss her and love her but she seems pretty

adamant on going on with the divorce. I am confused and don't know what I want

now. Maybe she will let me move back in with her?

I guess I am a pretty selfish person, but I don't want to admit that to her, nor

do i want to seem weak to her and tell her I was such an idiot, so I just won't

admit to anything. I think I just want it all and want it now. I want my cake and

eat it too. There is alot more to this story but I didn't want to type that much.

Thanks for listening

signed,
Allaboutme

I would tell you what you are, but don't feel like being banned.

Hi, themes and welcome. Have you tried to join a program of some sort to try and controll your addictions and have a chance at a better life?
I guess it must be even more difficult becouse your mom and your sister enable your addiction and make the problems worse. Your wife did the right thing, in my opinion. Maybe this will make you realise that you need to stop doing this to yourself. And I get the impression that the only way you will win her back is by trying to get help. But you have to want to change, as they say. I hope it works out for you.

I guess I am a pretty selfish person, but I don't want to admit that to her, nor do i want to seem weak to her and tell her I was such an idiot, so I just won't admit to anything.

First, it takes a much stronger and more respectable person to stand up and make a confession. Everyone always is more impressed by those who admit their mistakes and try to improve. I am extremely impressed that you could detail your crimes here to the world (even if it is anonymously). So if you want her to respect you as well as take you back, that is simply what you will have to do. Admit, atone, and make some changes. That's not saying that she will come back to you, of course, but the likelihood will be much improved.

If she does come back before you've dealt with your problems, she will probably just leave again and eventually, she WILL stop coming back. It's really not fair of you to even consider putting her through that heartache again. She obviously cared enough about you that she wanted you to get better and she is probably devastated and feeling that you didn't care enough about her to really try.

For your sake, as well as those around you, I really hope you will get some help and stop the drug use and drinking and I hope you will take ownership of your own life and become more independent. You seem capable of it and you're certainly old enough now to act like a man instead of a lazy teenager (which is how you're coming across, though of course one post does not define an entire personality and I obviously don't know you).

Please take your wife's leaving as a wake-up call and as a chance to improve your life. We don't want you to OD again and we want you to find your happiness.