want to mend no contact w / friend

side b[

#Yellow No. 5# is closed and didn 't't like telling me about them selves but we had complimenting personalities \\ looking back ,all i did was complain to #Yellow No. 5# .

i wanted to be close so i came on to #Yellow No. 5# while we were together and they responded w/ a strict ''' you won 't find love with me''' and began to ignore me . eventually when i was diagnosed w/ borderline they said sorry about my illness but they can no longer contact me . that one really broke me . i tried&tried to contact them .

finally #Yellow No. 5# txted me in january explaining they don 't dislike me [ i think] but they mentioned like the nature of my dx and how i need to focus on my self ,so i said something cute back but no reply .
i 'm worried #Yellow No. 5# won 't respond , i 'd really like to be close again .

what 2do

This is a tough question.

I know you are going through a lot right now and don't want to hurt you, so will be careful in my reply.

If you show you acknowledge you have BPD, and are working on it, he may come back, but it's not so simple. One day (moment) at a time.

ya of all my friendships i 've broken , this one actually hurts . our friends were a little malicious and used my mental illness as entertainment so they 'd witness all of my turmoil aand i 'd only break down overtly in front of them any way . i 'm very transparent . i think #yellow no.5# kind of encouraged it ,too .

they still like me , i go through ritual friends-list cleansings on social media and re-add each one , i annoy others as i 'm repeatedly leaving and coming back, but this time i waited 7 months and upon coming back they all posted on my feed

''' i thought you were dead''', ''' o you 're back !!''', ''' hey it 's u'''

#yellow no.5# accepted my friend-request [NOT one i 'm removing lol ] and i 've tried getting a response but no use . at least he 's readily available and looking at my texts .

;recoil;

People with BPD destroy their relationships. Right there, I do the same. It's what we do. But I suspect yellow #5 would like to speak with you, it's up to you to bridge the gap.