is this some f****d up $#%^

Okay, so my boyfriend is not diagnosed with anything, but reminds me of friends who have Borderline Personality Disorder. He only 'reminds' me of them, there are some $#%^ that doesn't match. I'm just using that as a side note, not as a whole idea of him.

He keeps his feelings shut off,he is extremely aggressive towards strangers who he thinks are disrespecting him when they are not, he goes into dissociative states a lot, he doesn't remember anyone exists when they aren't with him, etc.

He went to New Jersey cause his cousin died. When he came back the week later, he has been an asshole ever since. He is horribly mean to me all the time.

I have some kind of DID=-NOS that I need to see a doctor about. I don't have empathy for anyone but him.

So tonight he started saying things like "i bet you didn't put away the empty bowl of oatmeal did you" in a really mocking tone. I have memory issues, but i've been working on it a lot. That got me mad.

Now he wanted to masturbat e while watching porn on his phone while i was sitting next to him. All i wanted to do was chill and snuggle so i said id leave because i dont want to be here right now when im not in the mood.

He started saying that i''m going back to the way i used to be '"i was so paranoid and jealous that i told him id break up with him if i caught him watching porn" and ive grown way past that. I just wasnt in the mood. im tired.

***he isn't normally like this. It has been ever since ihe has gotten back from new jersey.

So I started getting extremely upset because he keeps telling me i'm doing this and this wrong and he said ###$ let me go to sleep

so he's laying there and has been masturbating while i'm still crying

what the ###$ right

he's also convinced i'm going to killl him in his sleep or that im the only real person in this reality he's living in who is not a part of this reality trying to keep him there forever (like in the movie vanilla sky) and then he'll change into this person who asks if he can smother me or punch me(which id be fine with because we're kinky like that} but he had that crazy look in his eyes

i've been dissocciating a lot which has led to 3 days worth of sleep deprivation and i'm trying to tell him that his anger and how's been treating me (he has NEVER treated lme like this, he has always been the most amaizing boyffiend and i am in love with him) is making my dissociation worse, and has been making me unable to sleep

the only reason why i am so upset is because he has never been like this

ever

its just since he came back from his cousin's funeral that he has beeen like this

are there some people on here where you are in a relationship where you are both ###$ up lol i need some guidance he's the love of my life and i need to help him learn how to grieve properly

Hi smoke40s,

You know him better than we possibly could, so all we can do is guess.

There could be much deeper issues going on as you are intuiting, but on the face of it, it could also just be that this his first experience with a death of someone to whom he is related, and he has been toppled by it.

That first experience with death (not in TV, but up close and personal), can have profound effects on people.