never seems to be any mutual interest?

something I have noticed in all my encounters with women. either they like me and I am not interested or I like them and they are either disinterested or unobtainable. I should state firstly that its nothing to do with their comparative standard of beauty. like it could be a woman that is very classically aesthetically attractive who is attracted to me yet I am attracted to a woman who some may consider ugly. so it doesn't matter if she is considered attractive and she is interested in me, I am still not really into her.

I don't understand if this is an actual thing that a lot of people get? or whether I find myself in an odd situation? consider that most relationships are built upon mutual interest yet there just never seems to be any mutual interest for me. i'm either really into them and they don't find me attractive or I have no desire for the women that are interested in me.

believe you me, I have tried with women who are attracted to me. a couple of women who I went back to their place with in the past, I couldn't even get it up! just no desire whatsoever!.. then there are women who I have chased endlessly and tried to initiate something with, who I think about sexually a lot and have zero interest in me or I will be denied by them for no reason other than a lack of interest they have in me.
does anyone else have this problem? there seems to be no exceptions to this for me which makes relationships seem virtually impossible. how have you resolved this? or how could I resolve this?

Hey neptune,

Just my own thoughts on this, opinions, so take it for what it is...

I don't think you are alone in struggling with this. Some may struggle less with this quandary, but I think you are normal. This topic could probably be the basis for a whole field of psychology and relationships that hasn't been well explored, but maybe the short version is related to that old story that people often pick their opposites. Some say, we pick our compliments. Either way, some/many of us struggle with what you are writing about.

I do think you may be right that being into each other, and having essentially the same values/interests is a possible recipe for success, but hey if it was that simple everyone would be content. Clearly we are often not The struggle with what we think we want, and what we chose remains.

hi xdude

thanks for the message, I do feel less alone now. but yea it would be good if this topic was explored a bit more and people were talking about this. because it seems like no one ever really brings it up? i'm not sure it even has a name? maybe it does? and that is why I have found it difficult to find other people with this issue, because I am not searching for the right term.

It's an interesting topic. Just to throw a thought out there -

There are some biologists who have pointed out that the vast majority of complex animals (and us humans), do not self-procreate. Even plants may depend on insects to participate. It's one of those truths that's in plain sight, but easily overlooked. Why does that work?

On a personal level, I'm attracted to females, not because they are exactly like my male friends, but because they are female, because they are different in their thinking, reactions, femininity, and yes, differences in what interests them comes with that. It works.

But yea, it's interesting how we may choose a partner that is so very different. I don't know if that is because we are seeking balance, seeking to mold them into ourselves, enjoy the challenges, or just enjoy the differences. Maybe all of that and more.

Again, on a personal level, my ex is very different. We had much in common too, but the differences were attractive too on some level. Life would be boring if everyone was a clone of ourselves