New relationship with a man with Major Depressions

About a month ago, I connected with a man that I went to high school with, I just turned 30 on the 12th and he turned 29 on the 10th. The communication was amazing for the first month, literally talking to each other from the time we woke up to the time we closed our eyes. I couldn't wake up or fall asleep without getting a good morning/night gorgeous. During this time, he did tell me that he was diagnosed with major depression while in the army, and also spoke to me about a divorce he went through around the same time as leaving the army. But as I said earlier communication was amazing and I saw no red flags, and am not one to cast away someone for something like that as I have struggled with minor issues in the past.

He works out of town with his brother, doing general contracting services with their own business, so he is only home every two weeks when he gets his little girl (we both have little girls around the same age). When he finally came down for the weekend and I felt like we were at a point to hang out in person, we went on a date and took it back to my place. Conversation was great, we were both quick witted and eager to laugh (I am more extroverted and he is more introverted in a social setting). There is an obvious physical attraction, (mine sparked by his chivalry and overall sincere demeanor), and things start to escalate. I was reluctant, because I know how things change after you reach that level of intimacy especially that early on in a new relationship, but he assured me his respect and feelings would not change. It was amazing, I know WE both enjoyed it. He spent two nights with me, and during this time disclosed the fact that he was medically discharged from the army due to major depression, and also told me he was taking prozac. I did not let this discourage me, as I was happy to hear that he was working to manage it and he was taking his medication. That Monday he left from my house to go back out of town and had a 5 hour drive ahead of him. It didn't strike me odd that he didn't write much that day, but over the next couple of days communication dropped drastically. I of course immediately thought it was because we became intimate too soon, but being the person that I am I reached out and asked for an honest response. He assured me that nothing had changed between us. Then later that night he wrote me out of the blue and told me he was a having a very difficult time in struggling with his depression. I selfishly felt relieved that it wasn't me, but boy did I not have a clue what I was in store for....

That entire week, I did not pressure but tried to be encouraging and supportive. I knew not to be patronizing but tried to let him know that I would be there in any way I could to support him through it. I could sense him growing darker and darker as the week progressed. Finally, Sunday evening I started to become very very concerned. It was when he wrote me that he really "liked" me, and appreciated all my support that I knew something bad was about to go down. I reached out to his sister in law and brother to make sure someone could check on him because I knew his brother was not home. After no response from him or his siblings I called nonstop until I got an answer. Thankfully he had called the sheriff's department because he took 80 Prozac, and he didn't want his brother to find him. His mother and sister in law drove up and stayed with him at the hospital overnight, the next night he discharged and drove back down in his vehicle while his mother and SIL followed behind.

We talked the last 2 and half hours of his drive. We both said we would take it slow, but he still expressed his desire to still see me. He came over that Wednesday night (took prozac on Sunday), and I cooked him dinner. We had long conversation, he talked very candidly about his depression and his ex wife and women he had dated since his divorce two years ago. During this conversation he told me he reached out to me, his best friend from the army and another girl he had dated in the past. It was a great night where we continued to connect emotionally, and even though we both said we wanted to take it slow, we let our impulses get the better of us and we again were intimate. He came over the next night as well, but that day was a much worse day than the day prior. While talking on my front porch, out of no where he told me that he wasn't completely honest with me about something, and he went on to tell me that he still had feelings for the ex (girl he dated, not ex wife) he reached out to during his attempted suicide attempt. This caught me completely off guard and I really didn't know how to respond. he told me he wanted to make sure he was honest with me because he didn't want me to feel like I was trying too hard, and that even though the feelings were there with his ex, he really liked me and wanted to see where our relationship went, but knew right now he couldn't give me what I needed. I appreciated the honesty, but my feelings were hurt and my ego bruised. My body language and communication completely changed, he kept telling me to stop that he would never get back with the girl and that he really liked me, but after that blow my head was spinning and I couldn't process anything other than I was playing second fiddle.

Over the past week he has continued to struggle with his depression, he just disclosed to me that he is off his meds (this is highly concerning), and communication has been non-existent in comparison to how it was the previous month. I am the type of person that doesn't like to leave matters unresolved or things unsaid so I asked him to be be sincere and honest and let me know his honest intentions. He told me that he wanted to take it slow, not make it just about sex and remain friends. He did say that he didn't want the friends stage to last forever because he did really like me. But at this point I don't know if this is a friendly brush off, the ex girlfriend or the depression or what. So many red flags that would normally send me running for the hills, but I do really like this guy, and don't want to abandon him in his time of trouble. Is this the depression giving me the cold shoulder??? Please help, and provide insight as to whether or not I need to wake up and have self respect, or if I should try and weather the storm.

whilst tricyclics are deadly in overdose, as far as i know it's not possible to overdose on SSRIs.

of this relationship, it's anyone's guess. all of the possibilities you've outlined could be the case. as such, i think you need to do some damage limitation and just not get your hopes up too high.

Agreed. I’ve always tried to hold fast to the saying a person will show you their true intentions through their actions not words, but with major depressions thrown in the mix it makes it so up in the air. He apparently drank last night because he wrote me all night, and then called later at night and opened up about Afghanistan and issues he struggles with. Still confused though because he talked about being proud that he turned down a lunch date request from the ex, but also said it scared him how much he liked me. I know I need to step away and lowers expectations.

I think you need to undertand that relationship with person who have depression is the heavy one. Probably you will never cure him from this and more: he may drag you down. If you really really want to be with that guy you need to be persistent and restless with your love. The guy have very bad depression. Be sure that he takes his meds regurarly. He needs to find purpose. Most of the people with depression are just forever lost and having a goal will help them to walk through life. Remember that people with depression may have very bad mood swings and moments of despair that may make them hurt you really badly.

I do not advise you to pursue it on the romantic level since ou are getting yourself in really big mess that you both may or may not get out. You may save him but he is able to take you down with himself.

If you want to help him on basic level make sure ge gets enough sleep and sleeps, eats and is up in regular hours. Also try to look through his food and give him to eat things that will be good for him. He needs to start to move his body to produce endorphins and go sunbath often.

It would be nice if he would try to slowly sort his life too and find his goals. It may take years and many fails or maybe never get better so don't have high hopes. I hope you do the right thing for you and for him.