Feeling very restless .

I am overly attached to my boyfriend . We are in the worst phase of our relationship . Check my other posts if you want to know whats going on. He thinks im cheating on him and wont talk to me anymore and whenever he does its just dirty demeaning words .He isn't talking to me anymore and it is making me extremely restless . I just cant calm down or be happy . I get this feeling similar to stage fright or nervousness before i go on stage . That feeling keeps coming to me . My heart beats really loudly and i start fidgeting . I dont know what to do . Deep breaths arent really helping. It just keeps coming randomly. I dont like it. Please help. I really love him and never cheated on him or did anything behind his back . I cant take the fact that the person i love the most in this world thinks so low of me . I just cant digest the fact . Please help

Your first sentence says it all.
What other people think of me may cross my mind once in a while, but I don't dwell on it or let it affect my self-esteem.
It sounds like an unbalanced relationship. I don't know if you are looking for this kind of relationship or not, but it doesn't sound healthy to continue this way.
It sounds abusive. Once couples slip into their roles and do what they do, it is very hard to break out of. I don't have an answer, but I can't see it continuing for very long like this either.
Ask yourself: 'How can I change this?'
Best of luck to you.

The anxiety you're describing is something I've experienced in the past, pretty sure it's in relation to codependency/BPD and abandonment issues. I too was struggling to deal with it, and would go back to him just to make the feeling stop. Either that or I'd use benzos/alcohol. None of it was treating the issue properly, it would only delay it until the next breakout. You need to stick it out, it won't kill you, I swear. Gets easier with time.

people can say what they like about me - if they're wrong, that says more of them than it does of me.

it's a fact of life that we have to live our own lives. we can't abdicate that responsibility to others. and we can't live our lives vicariously through relationships. the relationship isn't your life, it's only one facet of it. and a relationship is only worth maintaining if it makes you feel better with it than without it. this relationship isn't currently doing that.

if i were you, i'd tell your boyfriend that you love him but if he can't believe you then you can't be with him.

shock_the_monkey wrote:people can say what they like about me - if they're wrong, that says more of them than it does of me.

it's a fact of life that we have to live our own lives. we can't abdicate that responsibility to others. and we can't live our lives vicariously through relationships. the relationship isn't your life, it's only one facet of it.

A trap most codependents fall into, placing a relationship as central 'event' of their life and realizing they've got nothing left to hold on to once the relationship is over. (hence the separation anxiety) A part of me is having hard time accepting I allowed this to happen, thought I was stronger/more independent than that. Toxic relationships tend to isolate both parties and reconstruct its own version of reality fit for two people only.
I like your immunity to people's opinions s_t_m btw, can't really say the same for myself. Yet. Work in progress.

Shenzi wrote:A trap most codependents fall into, placing a relationship as central 'event' of their life and realizing they've got nothing left to hold on to once the relationship is over. (hence the separation anxiety) A part of me is having hard time accepting I allowed this to happen, thought I was stronger/more independent than that. Toxic relationships tend to isolate both parties and reconstruct its own version of reality fit for two people only.
I like your immunity to people's opinions s_t_m btw, can't really say the same for myself. Yet. Work in progress.

Good stuff ^^^

Yea, it's what we codependents do.

We may know better intellectually, but our emotions still are what they are, and tends to win. It takes time for our emotions to catch up with our intellect

My anxiety is getting worst by the days . My heart is randomly pounding several times a day for no reason .y eyes tear up all of a sudden for no reason. I read it somewhere that digging my nails in my palms would distract me and stop me from crying. But most times even that doesnt help . Im interning in a company currently and it is very difficult to control my over whelming feelings. I miss him a lot . But now it isnt about the relationship anymore . He's broken up with me multiple times before . I've been depressed because of this before too but not even close to what i feel now. I want closure. I just cant digest the fact that he is going to think that i cheated on him and dumped me because i was a cheater. I just can't take it. What he thinks matters way too much to me . I dont know how to let it go. I sacrificed so many things. I dont know what or who i am anymore. But non of that matters to me . I just want him to know that i didnt cheat. I never cheated on him. I will never be able to move on like this . I didnt cheat. I cant take it. I just cant.

Jemma wrote: I sacrificed so many things. I dont know what or who i am anymore.

This is the core issue. I've been there too, Jemma.
Here's some comforting thought - he will probably come around at one point. Most people that end relationships in impulse regret their action and come back, as it wasn't a very calculated act. If it's driving you insane - write a long e-mail and explain everything.
After that though, you need to let go and focus on your own life - friends, career, hobbies, pets if you have any. Go travel someplace by yourself. Stressing yourself like this won't change a damn thing.
As for anxiety and panic attacks - breathing techniques. Once I realized a panic attack isn't a heart attack and it has no plans of killing me, it lost its power. I just wait it out until it's gone.
One thing I've learned from my previous relationship was - it was lack of my self-respect that made him think he can play around with me and leave as he pleases. Once I learned to respect myself more, the situation sort of turned around. I just don't give a sh*t at this point.

hi Jemma,

i used to have a girlfriend. she has schizophrenia. she used to accuse me of having people follow her. whenever i protested my innocence, she'd say that i was lying. i even asked her what evidence she had for her accusation. she just said that she was entitled to her opinion. an opinion that was entirely groundless. she never did admit that she'd falsely accused me, let alone acknowledge the hurt that she'd caused me.

eventually, she wore me down so much that i asked her if she loved me. initially she wouldn't give me a direct answer. however, i insisted. she said "no". that was it. just one word to sum up a two year relationship.

so, tell me this: do you think that your boyfriend's behaviour towards you is at all loving? do you think he cares what he's putting you through? do you really think that you should hold the opinion of someone like that about you in such high regard?

i don't think that i need to tell you what i think.

very best wishes,

shock (the monkey).

All these weird co incidences kept happening that were always on his side. The moment i used to go offline to do some chore he used to tell me that a friend of his comes online. Which means im talking to him through an other device . And he said it happened everytime he checked it. I dont know how to defend my self in these situations. I dont even know which friend hes talking about he said he wont tell me the name because then i'd tell him . Its so ######6 frustrating. I didnt talk to any of his friends neither am i interested in talking. How do i get closure ? How do i get answers to why things like that happened. He's going to think im a big liar and cheat for the rest of his life and that kills me. I dont know how to let go of that more than letting go of him