Is it normal to have friends come and go all the time?

Sorry for this being so long, I will appreciate if someone reads it and leaves some thoughts.

I'm 24 years old and I feel like I don't and have never had true friends. Not a single one.

I had quite hard childhood and teenage years which made me quite difficult with people, being quite introverted and having some trust issues, so it was never easy for me to make friends. (Also having less and more severe depression over time with anxiety.)

Although I always (let's says from 16 on) managed to make some friends but it always ended or at least faded after not a long time as much as I can't call them friends anymore, although we speak if we meet or so.

I also have an experience with a guy I used to call one of my best friends back then, I went to visit him to Germany where he was on an exchange and we got into a little argument because he suddenly had no time for me so I was left alone in a city I didn't know and didn't know anyone there, which made me scared, sad and quite angry too, so I ended up telling him how I feel about it (and yes it wasn't the most polite way possible but I felt like he kind of deserved it) and he ended up replying with tens of things he hated about me and had been pissed off by for a long time, which he never told me about with me not having a slightest idea that I'm doing something wrong. Which naturally resulted in not talking to each other anymore, with me totally crushed and him probably relieved.

I can't say I'm the best person ever, but towards people I like, I'm trying to be nice, helpful and I'm really cautious about not messing things up because of that I know how easily I'm losing people from my life. I'm trying to be open and honest about things and I'm always saying people if I don't like something about what they did or said so we can explain things to each other, and I kind of find this as the way it should be (so that it could also prevent the situation with that friend from above).

Although it looks like people don't work like that. Because now I watch my 'current best friend' slowly leaving and I can't stop it.

Because I'm asking him to tell me what's wrong so I can change myself somehow. But he never answers. He always turns it over as if I was the one who doesn't want to be friend with him anymore, although I told him he is one of the most important (if not the one most important) persons in my life and he keeps on avoiding any communication, barely writing to me and never calls me when they go out. And I can't see any other explanation besides that I'm going to lose a friend again.

Also as I'm quite old, not going to school anymore and currently not having a job yet, I don't have many options to get to know new people and if I do, it feels like they are all kind of "taken", meaning they already have their close friends and it is almost impossible to join them.

And me not having any close friend is the reason why I'm writing this here.

Has anyone ever had a similar experience? Does someone have an idea what's wrong with me, or what am I doing wrong? Anything? What should I do or not to do?

I feel completely lost right now...

Thanks for any reply.

Hello,

I read your post and I want to say something because it made me to think. I am in very different situation because I have many old friends. Maybe it is coincidental. I don’t feel I have done anything special.

It is nothing wrong with you, I am sure. You sound very nice and thoughtful. Also, many kind of people do have friends. Sometimes even very rude people have friends. I don’t think you are old, I am older and still I keep getting new friends. I also know very old people, over 80 years, who have got new friends.

You told you are cautious about not messing things and you are open and honest about your feelings. I think those all are very good things generally. However sometimes people can be too cautious, I think. It is also important to relax with friends. I believe it takes time to build up a friendship and you cannot hurry up the process. So, I suggest you give time for friendships to develop.

It is also important you have something in common and you do enjoy your time together. I think all relationships have to have something which keeps them going. You have something special with your friends and other people are “outsiders”.

I hope you will find new friends soon!

Dahlia

The transitions people make between late teens through early 20s are often extreme.

I suppose some TV shows paint a picture of friends for life since early childhood, but well, you know, that's TV. I think it's normal enough that people come and go at this point in life as they branch out into higher levels of education, the start of careers, enter into long term relationships, etc.