Feeling completely lost

I am currently very emotional and don't know what to do anymore.

I am 25 years old, still live at home, have a decent job as a Software Engineer. I never had a girlfriend and always felt disconnected with the people around me. I live in a small village in Germany and I always felt frustrated and angry at all the people at soccer clubs or general people from the village, whose lifes seemed so depressing.

However I never took the step to move away. I studied near my home, afterwards started to work near my home and always dreamed of one day when I am financially stable to move away from home. With 16 years I always wanted to move to the USA, then I wanted to move to Canada and now I just want to move to a big city. I always were dreaming about it, imaging how wonderful it would be.

One year ago I met a girl, who was very nice and we seemed to have a connection. We hooked up and I kind of really like her. But I can't really commit to her. I am constantly thinking about if she's the right one. In the beginning it felt unsure, because I again thought about my future. Is this what I want? Is it the right girl? We immediately noticed a difference in our view of the future. While I was dreaming of the big city, she said she prefers to some day live in a house.

And the main problem is, she wants to stay, where we are right now. She's such a family person. Everything evolves around her family. And she seems to enjoy it. Being with them on Sunday eating dinner and cake. That seems to be her life. And I don't know if I want that. I always feel depressed, when we are at a family event. I always think about if this is now my life. Every weekend with her family, the same boring topics, no chance to enjoy my life anymore.

My doubts have been killing me. We are on vacation and I can't stop thinking about if she's the right one. Plus since the last year my phobias have been increasing. I am afraid of illnesses and since I know her, I feel more afraid than ever, ending up with a boring life and dying from cancer.

So I decided to get psychological help. I had my first talk last week and I told him how I feel, that I feel like not belonging there. And he just said, this is normal, it shows that my soul doesn't want any of that. Plus moving away would make me more confident. I always took the easy way and stepped back from big decisions and risks. Moving to another city would on the one hand make me more determined and learn more about myself. And if I notice it sucks, then I at least have tried and won't blame myself for not trying.

This talk struck me and suddenly my doubts became louder. And I became more determined to show my GF how I feel. So after telling her, she cried like crazy, how our relationship should go on now, and that she doesn't want to split up.

And now after that I am having severe doubts, if I am doing the right thing. I spent the whole morning crying and breaking down in bed. I feel completely senseless. Why do I want to move to another city? It's just other people and other buildings. I somehow just want lie with her on the couch and cuddle. I have fear of losing her.

But why am I crying and now having doubts about moving to the city is the right choice. It suddenly feels so dumb. Why am I so emotional all of sudden, just because we talked and it seems like we could break up?

Maybe I have been trying to ignore my feelings, because being with her is just nice. Maybe I know it's the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with and I am ruining it because of some stupid feelings.

It's my first relationship and it seems special. On the one hand I need to maybe make some experiences in life, take some risk, know what I want.

On the other hand I could loose her, hurt her so much and I myself might never find someone who is like her.

I am so torn apart and it seems like no one can give me a clear advice, how I can make the right decision.

Hi DerrickRose1992, I'm from Switzerland and would like to give you insights, as I have lived 2 things in my life that you might relate to.
I worked as a customer servicing tech for 6 years, during those years I had the opportunity to replace my colleague from the US during 4 straight months. I lived in Boston and would travel all around the country to visit customers, I was never a tourist there so I can really tell you, the grass is always greener on the other side.
I enjoyed some things there especially since I had friends in Boston, but believe me the mentality is so different from Europeans it's not as great as it looks like during vacation or watching TV, I guess you can still get used to their ways, but don't see USA as the prophetical land or a phantasy. In fact they asked me to be the US office responsible and relocate there, I was 27 and had no GF at the time, I am not a very family oriented person either, but refused the offer because I didn't see myself living there in the end. Having visited 42 countries in 6 years always with people from inside, I can tell you central and northern Europe is great and it's difficult to adjust to the mentality or pay level in many other places.
If I were you, I'd first try getting out of my comfort zone in Germany and see how you do in the cities, find social things to do to expend your views and open yourself, then you can be a bit more certain if moving abroad is for you. But I'm not going to lie this traveling job got me out of my shell and opened myself like I never thought it could.

Now because of this work mainly I couldn't have a steady relationship, so after quitting and getting myself up because I almost burnout. One year later being 31 I experienced my first steady relationship and I can tell you I waited for this so much, it made me very delusional and I didn't have the experiences my friends had during these 6 years, which resulted in me seeing this woman as an angel and completely being destroyed by her mental issues when she dumped me suddenly out of the blue.
So it is very possible you might be lucky and this one is as great fit, ready to commit which is not so common nowadays, that your life might be great with her. But you have to really look inside you and maybe ask her for a break, to be certain it's not only this feeling because she's your first and you delude yourself of reality.

The other day I posted a quote from Steve Jobs, what he realized on his death bed which you can google, especially we men think having a career, money and all this is what we want, but Like Steve and the majority of people when they die, they regret people and love not money or power.

Only you can decide !