Codependent without knowing the other is an addict?

Hello, I explained (on another site) the kind of relationship I was having, and was advised it was codependent. Pretty much all the indicators were there, except for the "supporting addiction" that is usually described.

The reason I stayed with this person is because I thought they quit (and I believe they did, for awhile). Then, when I found out they were back to it, I told them to get help then left them.

The reason it was supposedly codependent, is because when they were depressed I felt so bad for them, to where I put their happiness above my own. I would do almost anything just to make them happy. I would stay up very late and sometimes literally all night just to be there for them, and then work and go to school the next day with little to no sleep. I still think about them constantly, and cry about their misfortunes and struggles. But I know now that I can't do anything to really help.

Is this considered codependent? What is the difference between that and just being extremely sympathetic towards someone you really care about?

(Note: If you are wondering how I did not know, it is an LDR, but was still very serious, we talked almost all day every day, and we have known each other for several years)

An addict learns to keep their addiction well-hidden. It is a defense that is developed and can make you doubt your own sanity when you suspect that they may be 'dependent' again.
Without direct contact (as in a LDR), it is even more difficult to realize what is truly happening. Many codependents find it very difficult to leave an intolerable situation. Many leave only to slip into another codependent relationship situation as it is part of the dysfunction.
A codependent can become just as ill as the dependent and not realize it. Getting away from a crazy situation may give us a glimpse of what should be 'normal' and just how crazy it was.
You might search for a Codependents Anonymous (Google: CoDA) meeting in your area. Attend a meeting if you want. Sit with a cup of coffee/decaf. You can give your first name if you wish when they ask if there are any newcomers, or simply say that you are just there to listen.
In all fairness, I cannot determine whether you are a codependent or not. If the meeting discussion sounds like your own story and you can relate to what is being said, then you might be in the right place.
Only you can determine whether or not what you hear matches or is tangent to your own experience, strength and hope. You are a CoDA member when you say that you are.
You can ask for support, get to know how others have managed codependence and find a sponsor for guidance with the 12-steps and to continue your journey.
There are also wonderful, supportive people who have lived the same dysfunction as you that can be found here.
Best of luck to you.

Hi hermelin,

A question to ask yourself;

Did you really do this (for him) to help, or as a means to feel loved and needed?

The answer will lead you on the correct path.

I just had to post to emphatically agree with Mark's post above. Codependence all lies in your intentions and motivations. If you like being needed and relied upon, then it's codependence, and codependence can manifest itself in a myriad of different ways. You can be codependent whilst dating a non-addict who is depressed or who has some other mental disorder. Personality disorders especially attract codependents (I'm a living breathing example, and am working through Melody Beattie's famous book at present myself), with or without an aspect of addiction manifesting itself. Then again, addiction is a complicated thing, someone with HPD is addicted to attention, so it needn't be a drug, and most of us are addicted to something in some way, shape, or form, but then I guess it has to meet a certain level of self-destruction before it meets the addiction criteria. I hope, despite all the inane blather in between, my core point makes some sense to you.
Much love, my friend.